Where memory comes to rant and rave, and heroes still use Burma-Shave






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• Scrine is the home of lost, forgotten, and lonely sentences.


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Spam

That has got to be the lamest spam/virus header I’ve ever received in my in-box—so lame I nearly opened it out of pity.

    TAGS:  spam, lame


Mr. Hatchet S. Clyde paused in his ceaseless work at the keyboard, stared downward without really seeing the familiar letters, numbers, and characters, and wondered (not for the first time) just how many ways one could mispell the word ‘viagra’ and still keep it recognizable.

    TAGS:  spam, Viagra, nine billion names, spam man, Mr. Hatchet S. Clyde


in regards to the spammers that are waging war against keith, and therefore, me and a few other of my friends: lemme at em, i’ve got all my carving tools out and lined up.

    TAGS:  war, spam


spam-jones :: pam

“This week, I shall write a scrine inspired by every spam name I read,” declared Mima Meadows to the bus station patrons at large, loftily disregarding the fact she made absolutely no sense to the uninitiated.

    TAGS:  scrine idiosyncrasies, spam, Spam Jones


spam with that? :: boot

Post holidays, all you really want is some nice fried eggs (and another holiday).

    TAGS:  cubicles, spam, email


“If you’d told me,” remarked Mrs. Edwina Aguirre around a mouthful of bread, “that one day I’d be sitting on a saxophone case in a bus station garage, sharing a sandwich with a spam writer from Nashville and wondering whether we would get back on the road before a tornado hit town, I’d've said you was loco en la cabeza.”

    TAGS:  spam, bus stations, Edwina Aguirre, Greyhound bus, loco, spam writer, Nashville


cham :: boot

Cham doesn’t sound like a word, so it’s a good thing that the inventors of spam didn’t use curry powder instead of ‘spice’.

    TAGS:  spam, cham, cham, curry, inventors


I mince therefore I spam.

    TAGS:  bad puns, spam


career choice :: Br. Ezra

Chester’s high school guidance counselor became concerned when the young man listed driving the spammobile as his top career choice.

    TAGS:  school, choice, byproducts, bologna, spam, cold cuts, lunch meat, pig byproducts


Dear Spammerati: No, I *won’t* love it when he rogers me with something so big I can feel it in my tonsils, so we opt not to buy your product at this time; Yours, etc., Bakerina…p.s. I believe that this is what the youngsters refer to as EPIC FAIL.

    TAGS:  spam, tonsils


Thanks for nothing, spam, because your email “The little man in your pants will be your bodyguard” has done nothing at all for me except make me hear Whitney Houston songs in my head every time I go to the bathroom.

    TAGS:  spam, bodyguard, Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston


You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him buy a quality timepiece at a discount price just by spamming his email account, and you certainly can’t make him click on a link that promises a bigger penis because, well, for starters, horses are smarter than that, and secondly, he’s a horse, if you know what I mean.

    TAGS:  spam, horses, penis


“A good woman is like a big pot in a poker game,” Milton the Bastard told the waitress, “and no matter how good you bluff or how good your cards are, some sneaky bastard across the table is going to steal it from you, so yes, to answer your question, I am ready for breakfast, but I’ll have coffee only, and make sure it’s hot this time.”

    TAGS:  spam, French, Milton the Bastard


Of course, he could have changed his name to something more pronounceable - or at least, he could have thrown a vowel or two into his first name when his father wasn’t looking - but as it happened, the very moment in his adulthood when he’d finally gained ascendancy was the moment he came to fully value his first name as a shield against the jolly familiarity of strangers.

    TAGS:  spam


To Fender, “The Pied Piper of chicks” sounded less like a Viagra spam header and more like a man who could make whole communities of chicken farmers very angry.

    TAGS:  chickens, chicken - the bird, Fender - the character, spam, Pied Piper, Viagra


Nobody. :: 'mouse

Spam Fail: ‘Mouse, do you know who looks at your facebook profile?

    TAGS:  spam, Facebook, fail, privacy


As my finger hovered over the "delete spam" button I changed my mind, figuring that reading about the abandoned package of small unmarked bills that the service agent at the Atlanta airport wants to share with me (70% to me and 30% to him, for only a small processing fee of $3,800 which I am to advance) would be far more interesting than anything else going on at 3:30pm on a Thursday afternoon in October.

    TAGS:  spam, Thursday afternoon blahs


 

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