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Shopping
Directions :: Keith

After wandering the aisles for what seemed like hours, Jed was finally forced to flag down one of the blue-vested clerks so he could ask where the store kept the hogwash.

    TAGS:  aisles, shopping, clerks, hogwash


traffic watch :: pam

Possibly due to the fact that all the grocery stores in Sacramento are closed on Thanksgiving Day, shoppers careened wildly through the aisles on Wednesday evening, frantically calling back to the house on their cell phones (while holding onto their nervous children with the other hand and steering their carts with one elbow), desperately afraid they’d forget something crucial like black olives or bacon for the green bean salad.

    TAGS:  Thanksgiving, shopping, obsessing


Surely our civilization could never actually descend into lawlessness and anarchy, not while young Patty Sperry here sits in her TV studio, calmly selling genuine Joan Rivers pavé earring sets.

    TAGS:  anarchy, shopping, civilization, panic


In a perfect world, thought Muriel, there’d be a Brassiere of the Month Club, which would mail new bras to her door so she wouldn’t have to endure shopping for them.

    TAGS:  Muriel, brassieres, shopping, bras


All watched over by billionaires of loving grace, Henry emptied the change from his underwear drawer and went grocery shopping.

    TAGS:  Henry, love, money, billionaire, shopping, grace, underwear


Being less than a mile from a Wal-Mart, I can sometimes pick up the faint hum of its take-over-the-world business model broadcast in my fillings.

    TAGS:  shopping, world domination, conspiracy theory


Toilet in Limerickville :: littledevilworks

“A toilet giveaway today” scream the rumors The thought of which sparks crappy humors Henry chooses to live In cities that give As thoughts of shopping grow poor Henry’s tumors.

    TAGS:  Henry, toilets, shopping, limericks, tumors


Easy Laughs :: Keith

I just filled out the application for a Safeway Club Card, and now I can hardly wait to go shopping again just to hear the cashier say, “Have a good day, Mr. Cooper.”

    TAGS:  shopping, cashier, Henry Cooper


“So, uh, would you like the free underling with that six-pack of Minions, Mr. Overlord of Pain?”

    TAGS:  shopping, minions, overlords


The Stonebender family was grimly sure there were too many ducks in the city pond anyway, and that nobody would notice if a few went missing, at dusk, say, right around holiday time.

    TAGS:  ducks, duck - the bird, shopping, dusk, creative


Normally Bronwyn considered a Saturday trip to the mall to be the most loathsome of ways to spend a day, but when her husband asked if she wanted to join him, she realized that she was barraged by conflicting emotions: pain at the loathsomeness of a Saturday at the mall; guilt over losing two hours of Valuable Outlining Time; and giddiness at the thought of stepping away from that goddamned desk.

    TAGS:  Bronwyn, shopping, conflict, time management


Juan and Mrs. Juan :: 'mouse

If Juan can look at hundreds (*cough* thousands *cough*) of porn sites and never pick up a virus, how come Mrs. Juan cannot get through a day of shopping sites without three or four and a search bar hijacker or two?

    TAGS:  shopping, porn, virus


 

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