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Robots
lead bot :: Keith

Peter was thrilled to be playing lead robot in the school play, and secretly hoped Lucy Johnson would notice the robot suit’s telescoping arms, which, he would tell her, were his own idea.

    TAGS:  robots, Peter, romance, theater, telescopic


Breasts Will Be Optional :: Imaginary Keith

Humans will never build perfect robots because of our own pre-programmed flaw, that one inapplicable question we can’t help but always ask - man or woman?

    TAGS:  robots, breasts, gender


As the afternoon wore on, Henry became more and more convinced that everyone else in the office had been replaced with a robot—and not even the good kind of robots, the ones that boost productivity and enjoy doing repetitive tasks: no, these robots were lazier than Henry’s human coworkers had been.

    TAGS:  Henry, robots, coworkers, lazy


showing them all :: steve

When the robots come and I’m the only one in town with a spray bottle of rust-inducing salt water holstered at his hip, well, mister, you won’t be laughing so hard then.

    TAGS:  robots, rust, foresight


Career :: Keith

“Forget that robot nonsense,” Steve’s father said to his son, “because the real money’s gonna be in bag salad, life’s best pre-packaged convenience; that’s what the people want and that’s what they’ll pay for, not for some fool robot idea.”

    TAGS:  robots, careers, salad


My duck-bots will have better weapons than yours.

    TAGS:  ducks, robots, duck-bots, weapons


Robot Sex :: Keith

Although the whole robot sex industry continued to grow and flourish, Henry still preferred his sex the old-fashioned way - seldom.

    TAGS:  Henry, sex, robots, old-fashioned ways, sex industry


flockit :: steve

I take back what I said about my neighbor’s taste in music, because it’s 10am on Easter morning and he’s blasting Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit”* from every window of his house, and I can’t help picturing a certain messianic fellow emerging from his cave to that fine robotic beat (or, perhaps, rockin’ inside it with robots while followers await him outside).* Follow that link for bonus John Denver footage!

    TAGS:  music, robots, neighbors, John Denver, Herbie Hancock


Some called it humorous, others just plain ironic, that it was human error that had led to the diode mixup at the robot army assembly plant, a small error that went largely unnoticed until it came time for the robots to march in unison, which it turns out, they couldn’t, and which, some said, embarrassed the robots, which of course, in hindsight, now seems ridiculous, because of course the robots weren’t actually capable of experiencing this particular sensation, although as it also turns out, they had been properly assembled and programmed for anger, frustration, and hostile take over, which wasn’t quite as humorous once the war started, but did, at least, allow the overthrow of humans to be quick and cost-effective.

    TAGS:  robots, cost-effective, hostile take-over, robot army, robot combat


At least I had sense enough to stop discussing the case after my son suggested that maybe a robot had committed the murder.

    TAGS:  robots, murder


Robot Strike :: Keith

Sir, with the robots on strike, I’m afraid we have no alternative other than to ask the gentlemen—oh, God forbid it has come to this!—yes, we must ask the gentlemen to go to work.

    TAGS:  robots, gentlemen, servants


Only one word came to mind when I woke up and discovered my robot underwear were missing - Henry!

    TAGS:  Henry, robots, underwear, robot underwear


Conveyor Justice :: Keith

I was fifteen days into the trip before I realized Topeka was populated entirely by robots, but even then it took me another three days to notice these were new robots, and not the ones I’d met back in 2136.

    TAGS:  robots


robot dancing :: Br. Ezra

Keith kept showing up at the Salem club scene waiting for robot dancing to come back in style

    TAGS:  robots, dancing


01000010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01110010 01101111 01100010 01101111 01110100 00100000 01100011 01101000 01101001 01100011 01101011 01100101 01101110 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100111 01110010 01100001 01101101 01101101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100100 01101111 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100001

    TAGS:  robots, binary code, punchlines


...I would invite a certain hubris-ridden law school at a certain hubris-ridden public university in a certain hubris-ridden giant East-Coast city to bite my shiny metal ass; alas, since I am not, I cannot.

    TAGS:  robots, school, hubris


“It’s not the fact we aren’t allowed to wear clothing that makes me unhappy,” said Randall the Robot to the bartender, “it’s just that I’ve always had a penchant for collecting underpants and there really isn’t any point.”

    TAGS:  robots, underpants, unfortunate, penchant


Robots were today awarded complete and total autonomy after winning their long, drawn out 23 year old case, which had claimed that the angry and disgruntled human factory workers who had assembled them back in 2033 had violated their right to peaceful assembly.

    TAGS:  robots, peaceful assembly


Attorneys for Automaton International, the robot watchdog group known for its aggressive defense of robot rights, today filed a suit in federal court demanding that restaurants nationwide stop advertising the sale of “soft serve” ice cream, stating that the word serve is nothing more than a derivative of the word servo, which in the original human language of Latin, meant ‘servus’ or ‘slave,’ and that continued use of such language is not only offensive and denigrating to robots, but a clear violoation of the Autonomy Decision of 2056.

    TAGS:  robots


Modern Robots :: Br. Ezra

Modern robots are so advanced to be indistinguishable from people, you may be standing next to one on the light rail and not even know it.

    TAGS:  robots


The Three Robotic Stooges saved many a Saturday afternoon from the clutches of the evil Dr. Doldrum.

    TAGS:  robots, mechanical superheroes, the three robotic stooges, The Three Stooges


Robot Circus :: Keith

I never cared much for the robot circus—the deafening clank of the elephants, the never-changing audio of the lion’s roar, the dim glow of the clown’s lightbulb nose—although I did kind of enjoy the intricacy of the trapeze girl’s metalwork.

    TAGS:  robots, clowns, elephants, circus, lions


Nurse, prep Living Room One for immediate emergency surgery and put the superglue bank on alert because I’ll be damned if I’ll let this robot glue out on my watch.

    TAGS:  robots, Santa Claus, emergency surgery


Dear Penthouse Forum, I never believed the letters in your magazine were true until last night when a cherry, 67 Mustang transporting a generously beautiful robot porn star broke down outside my house…

    TAGS:  robots, robot porn stars, penthouse forum


Former presidents never die, they battle robots or at least engage them in witty repartee.

    TAGS:  robots, robot combat, former presidents, witty repartee


Robotard :: Br. Ezra

Robby was a charming little robot – little propeller beanie and cute little claw like hands groping clumsily everything it touched – but, his lack of mechanical dexterity rendered him unreliable as a museum guard.

    TAGS:  robots, Robby the Robotard, Robotic Museum Guards


Time-travel napping sounds adventurous and thrilling, but not so much when you settle down for a quick snooze and wake up surrounded by robots and/or dinosaurs.

    TAGS:  adventure, dinosaurs, robots, time travel, napping


The first phase of the human to robot replacement experiment started at the DMV; no one noticed.

    TAGS:  robots, DMV


Robot Birds :: Keith

It is hard to mistake the sound of an approaching flock of robot birds.

    TAGS:  robots, Scrine TV


After watching Pacific Rim I told my dog we could pretend I was a giant robot and he was a puny human and at my mercy, but like usual, he was having no part of it and said, "What, you say you have a giant butt?"

    TAGS:  anthropomorphism, robots


 

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