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After reading the Fungi or Bacteria Exclusion included in his company’s Commercial General Liability Coverage Policy,
Fungi or Bacteria, a. “Bodily injury” or “property damage” which would not have occurred, in whole or in part, but for the actual, alleged or threatened inhalation of, ingestion of, contact with, exposure to, existence of, or presence of, any “fungi” or bactrea on or within a building or structure, including its contents, regardless of whether any other cause, event, material or product contributed concurrently or in any sequence to such injury or damage
Imaginary Keith knew he should test the backbone of the policy, and immediately called up his agent, threatening to inhale an unusually large amount of peach yogurt.
I’d rather be me than my laptop, because even though we’re both sick without insurance, at least I didn’t have to be returned to the factory for disassembly.
Waiting in line to enter Hell, Bob amused himself with the irony of the insurance industry; he also met two nice people - Janet, a mother of three, and Steven, a fireman from Omaha.
If you could bottle blind rage and sell it as a commodity, like, say, rattlesnake venom, I could get rich by producing it on-demand in nearly unlimited quantities by simply having someone say to me the words “insurance application process.”
I received a phone call from my insurance company this afternoon, informing me that even though I had been with their company for more than twelve years, my policy was being dropped because the underwriters had decided I was “high risk”, considering the fact that I’d been ticketed for driving without a seatbelt not once, but twice during the last three years; after hanging up the phone, I realized that what I had just experienced was, in fact, nothing short of an act of terrorism on their part, which, of course, wouldn’t have been covered by my policy anyway.
I’m sure my first mistake was even loaning my van to my brother’s dog, but the biggest mistake I made was not taking out shedding insurance.
Buy a Picasso and agree to sell it for a handsome profit, then just before completing the deal, poke a hole in the painting and sue the insurance company for the 59 million dollars in lost value, which should be, if you’re playing your cards right, more than what you paid for the painting in the first place; oh yeah, one more thing, you get to keep the painting.
“I’m sorry, Henry, but your health insurance plan does not cover cases of pre-existing gondolaism.
When he’d met with the agent to buy dental insurance, Peter had gone with the Little Red Wagon Plan, which was not only affordable, but had a cute, homey feel to its name that appealed to the child in him; it wouldn’t be until several months later that he found out it only paid for pulling.
The day before he was to be married I advised my son that a “pre-nup” is good insurance unless he has the means to afford a publicist and a posse.
What can be said about a society where it’s more economical to make whole the victim of a theft than it is to go after the thief?
“What do you mean you’re cancelling the water-damage replacement coverage on my cell phone insurance policy,” complained the penguin, “I’ve only submitted three claims.”
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