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Highly Unlikely
bob trains :: Keith

Bob had many cats, and had taught all of them to walk around the house on their hind legs, which he thought made them look proper and sophisticated; it also irritated his one and only dog, whom he had never liked very much.

    TAGS:  Bob, cats, dogs, highly unlikely, sophisticated nonsense

constraint :: steve

If I was allowed to write two sentences, I’d tell you something really, really important.

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, secrets, constraint

Follow Him! :: Keith

The band of creditors forced their way past security and into the room, just as the lid of Henry’s cryogenic freezing container was being closed; “Everyone, into these empty containers,” the lead creditor shouted, “we’ll follow him!”

    TAGS:  Henry, highly unlikely, creditors, cryogenics

As is the case with nearly all political scandals, which often only come to light following some unlikely or unpredictable event, Australian Prime Minister John Howard was forced from office when it was discovered that he not only knew of Attorney General Philip Ruddock’s participation in the scandalous, Bakerina jam theft, but that he also had prior knowledge that the Attorney General was, in fact, a duck, and had assumed the alias “Philip Ruddock” (undisclosed sources have revealed that prior to 1973, Ruddock was known as Philip “Rude” Duck) so that he might participate in the general election, his unblinking duck eye, at that time, focused intently on serving on the Migration Regulations Committee, which he successful did from June of 1989 through August of 1993; as to why a duck who had risen to such a powerful government position would involve himself in the theft of a few jars of jam, it was Ruddock himself who said it best when he told reporters, “Have you tasted the jam?”

    TAGS:  jam, Australians, highly unlikely, ducks - the bird, scandal

Surprisingly, the Bible says very little about Azazel, Golgotha’s most famous back float champion, who survived the great flood in spite of Noah’s attempts to poke him under with a shepherd’s staff.

    TAGS:  polite violence, highly unlikely, Azazel, floating, unlikely stories, Golgotha

Let’s Play :: Keith

“Instead of me trying to explain this whole mess anymore,” Henry told the IRS auditor, “let’s play Lord of the Rings; I’ll be the the age of dwarves and you can be the Eye of Sauron.”

    TAGS:  Henry, audit, highly unlikely, IRS, dwarves, Lord of the Rings

I wonder if there’s a gardener out there in the world somewhere named Earl Stanley, and if he answers his phone with, “Hello, Earl Stanley, gardener.”

    TAGS:  wondering, highly unlikely, Earl Stanley Gardener

Thanks in part to the new genetics codes that assured that all full-grown adult feet grew to a reasonable* men’s size 8, shoe shopping at Sears became quite simple.

<small>Smith vs. MicroNike, 298 U.S. 534 (2295)</small>

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, genetics, Sears & Roebuck

Lumphead Steve :: Keith

Steve Shemmeningster sold his smile for a pint of beer and was immediately renamed Lumphead Steve by the Upright Fivers, a small band of 3rd St. hobos who all claimed to have ascended, but as hobo luck would have it, only to sink back to earth a day or two later.

    TAGS:  beer, ascension, hobos, highly unlikely, hobo names, Lumphead Steve, The Upright Fivers

In Heaven, Jesus often sings backup for Meatloaf…. “I wanna know right now, do you love me, will you love me forever, do you need me….

    TAGS:  Jesus, highly unlikely, backup singers, Meatloaf - the band

“No spiders allowed,” the man said as he squished it under his thumb, noticing much too late the tiny leash around the spider’s neck, the other end which was being held quite lovingly by the spider’s owner, a rhinoceros; “God dammit,” the man said, “where’d you come from?” which was, at least from the rhinoceros’ perspective, not only a rhetorical question, but a stupid one at that.

    TAGS:  spiders, ridiculous encounters, highly unlikely, rhinoceros

Britain has decided to rename Big Ben in honor of Queen Elizabeth II, and since the clock face is made of tin, it will hereafter be known as “Tin Lizzie.”

    TAGS:  highly unlikely

In 1910, Australian Minister of Home Affairs, King O’Malley, shepherded new prohibition laws through parliament after a harrowing encounter he’d had with some rather unruly kittens whom he’d caught lapping up whiskey in the alley behind his house.

    TAGS:  Australia, highly unlikely, whiskey, kittens, prohibition, parliament

For Christmas, Mary would always give Jesus socks, and he would smile and put them on, even though he thought he looked like a dork wearing socks with sandals.

    TAGS:  socks, Jesus, highly unlikely, Christmas stories, dork, Keith's Guides to Everything

Paine-ful Reason :: Keith

Historians now belief that Thomas Paine mainly wrote The Age of Reason to support his belief that infidelity for men was okay as long as the man had a good reason.

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, infidelity, historians, Thomas Paine

The doctor assured Henkle that while it was highly unusual for a man to lay an egg, all his tests confirmed there appeared to be nothing to be alarmed about; "Although," the doctor added, "I do have some concerns that it's been over a week now and still no second egg."

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, eggs, Henkle

"I've listened to your breathing," the doctor told Henkle, "and while it does sound like you've inhaled a tiny barn owl while you were sleeping, I find it highly unlikely; "Although," the doctor added, "if you had, it might help explain the egg."

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, owls, Henkle

Like all of my marketing ideas, my patent on death idea backfired when no one paid up and just went on living forever until there were so many people crowding the planet that they all filed a class action suit against me for overcrowding.

    TAGS:  death, highly unlikely, patents, overcrowding

Although he had no scientific proof, Henry firmly believed that donuts provided a rich, natural source of protection from the sun's harmful rays.

    TAGS:  highly unlikely, donuts, loose science


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