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Do we get to wear little flowerpot hats?​

    TAGS:  1st Sentence, hats, flowerpots

trees :: Keith

Does a tree ever tire of the wind, or find itself wishing for a nice big hat when it begins to rain?

    TAGS:  rain, wishing, hats, wind

hats :: 'mouse

Every time I tell someone I’m a scriner, their eyes dance about my head and then try to peer into my pockets, looking for my funny hat.

    TAGS:  hats, eyes, heads, pockets

“Sorry about the blood on your jacket, but again, no, this hat is not for Melbourne Cup Day, it’s for keeping the burning sun off of my head.”

    TAGS:  Miss Jane, hats, polite violence, blood, burning sun, impertinent

“You can make a lovely hat out of previously-used aluminum foil.”

    TAGS:  hats, aluminum foil

thok :: boot

Billy put his flowerpot hat firmly on his head and walked out to face the brand new day.

    TAGS:  hats, flowerpots, naivety

Timmy’s Head :: Keith

It was Timmy’s incurable case of misshapen head that led to his love of hats.

    TAGS:  hats, heads, Timmy, misshapen

For Starters, Different Hats :: Imaginary Keith

Imaginary Henry might tell you that he and I are alike, he might even say that we’re the same person, but I assure you, it is not at all true.

    TAGS:  Henry, scrine idiosyncrasies, hats

for Pam :: boot

“Nice hat,” said boot’s co-worker as he walked past her desk.

    TAGS:  hats, Pam

Muriel was reluctant to jump on the bandwagon by blaming the summer’s record temperatures on ‘global warming’; privately, she believed there was no climate problem that could not be made more bearable by a pitcher of ice-cold daiquiris and a very wide-brimmed hat.

    TAGS:  hats, Muriel, bandwagon, climate, global warming, daiquiris, reluctance

Cafe Press does not mention if the new Scrine caps are roomy enough for an inner layer of tinfoil.

    TAGS:  scrine idiosyncrasies, hats, heads, tinfoil hats, protection

Sneaking up on an egret is always tough work, and it will take a diligent nature enthusiast many attempts before he has plucked enough feathers for a decent hat.

    TAGS:  animals, advice, hats, PNA Series, ridiculous encounters, feathers, nature, diligence, egret

Muriel eyed the big green hat and wondered if it held any special powers.

    TAGS:  hats, wishful thinking

“Women just don’t look good in porkpie hats, that’s all,” said Vera consolingly to Muriel’s reflection in the haberdasher’s mirror.

    TAGS:  hats, Muriel, porkpie hats

The last known sighting of a dunkleosteus in Ohio occurred in 1953 just outside of Sandusky, when the mayor, attempting to present the beast with the key to the city, instead ended up donating his arm, the state fire marshall, three lamp posts, half of the local high school band (mostly tubas and trombones), and a very nice derby hat, which in the mayor’s surprise turn of events, fell off of his head and rolled into Lake Erie.

    TAGS:  dinosaurs, hats, ridiculous encounters, Lake Erie, derby, tuba, mayor, trombone

This morning I saw a very large man wearing a full-length fur coat, but he wasn’t waving a football pennant or wearing a porkpie hat on his head so it wasn’t nearly as funny as it all could have been.

    TAGS:  hats, coats, porkpie hats

Although they were slightly outnumbered, Henry and Bob thought they could take the three—Henry would fight that wormy, good-for-nuthin’ Truth, Bob would roll up his sleeves and go nose-to-nose with that self-righteous bastard Justice, and American Way, if things went as Henry and Bob imagined, would just stay out of the fight because, well, it was American Way—but when Truth and Justice’s sad little overweight friend wandered off three minutes into the scuffle, only to return hefting an old, dented up aluminum baseball bat, the two men weren’t quite so sure.

    TAGS:  Henry, Bob, hats, friends, baseball, justice, fight, truth, self-righteous, overweight

Minimalist Jones owned quite a few hats,
which hung from the hooks in his hall,
Each to be worn for special occasions,
his collection not excessive at all -

The bowler, for instance, he wore only for courting,
the Panama went well with white slacks,
The boater for singing, the Shtreimel for fun,
the pork pie for playing his sax,

A busby or garrison for special parades,
a sombrero for eating burritos,
A deerstalker for times of inclement weather
and a burqa for fighting mosquitoes;

And down near the end was a cabbage-tree hat,
that sat all alone on a shelf,
“That one,” he’d say, “is a one of a kind -
a gift I received from an elf.”

    TAGS:  hats, poetry, Minimalist Jones, bowler hats, burqa, porkpie hats, deerstalker, sombreros

Hang your hat :: 'mouse

Henry’s defense to the charges—which would result in death by decapitation if he was found guilty—were primarily a plea for clemency because he would have no place to hang his many hats in the afterlife and besides, he had recently gotten a haircut that he liked very much.

    TAGS:  Henry, death, afterlife, hats, guilt, haircuts, decapitation

hats :: boot

They’re not just for wearing, they’re also lightning rods for conversations with strangers.

    TAGS:  hats, conversation

There will come a time again, a time of valour, a time of gentleness, a time of panache, a time of love and of romance.

    TAGS:  hats, romance, valour, panache

the incident :: boot

As the gentleman in front of him removed his hat fully, Mr. Entwhistle knew that matters were about to be ‘on’.

    TAGS:  hats, gentlemen, manners, incidents

“I like this hat - it’s just the right size for my head, with room for thinking.”

    TAGS:  guest scriner, hats, daughter, thinking

Just about the time I start to forgot all about my friend Schuster, he’ll show up with a six-pack, that human skull that’s always rolling around in the trunk of his car, and a week’s worth of hats he’s stolen from barbershops around town.

    TAGS:  Schuster, auto, hats, friends, skull, human, stolen

Becky screamed at the top of her lungs and, as one would expect, this did not eventuate in a loud noise permeating out of her mouth, but, rather more delightfully, a small island, a rumba line of party-goers wearing brightly coloured hats, a small dung beetle, two enchiladas and a string of South Sea pearls.

    TAGS:  Becky the Harlequin, harlequin, hats, enchiladas, rumba lines, small islands

I just realized how stupid we all are hanging out around here joking about things like nutria caps when on this site I see that the nutria cap sold out at $250 a shot.

    TAGS:  hats, nutria

“Maybe an electromagnet, attached to a doorframe at the next party,” they murmured afterwards, mulling how best to reveal the secret life of Toby’s hat.

    TAGS:  hats, cutlery, smuggling, silverware, Toby

Mr. Charleton’s pebbleware dreams had all but ended, yet he still danced about town, carefree and hatless.

    TAGS:  dreams, hats, carefree, Mr. Charleton

Years before any real trouble would begin, two scraggly young boys named Rufus & Schuster found a bowler hat floating along the banks of Lake Erie; the boy named Rufus thought it might be fun to throw rocks at the hat, or maybe fish it out of the water and take turns wearing it around town, but the boy named Schuster thought throwing rocks was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, and that what he wanted to do was steal his stepfather’s .22 and take shots at it, but because Rufus was his friend and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he told him that they should compromise; “You wear the hat,” Schuster told Rufus, “and I’ll steal the gun and do the shooting.”

    TAGS:  Rufus & Schuster, hats, polite violence, childhood, murderous intentions, bowler hats, Lake Erie, rocks

I wonder if the gnomes that live under the rose bush are any nicer than the ones that live under the cactus plant.

    TAGS:  hats, curious, petals, gnomes

Various sources on the Internet state that in 1856, Englishmen, Healey and Allen, received a patent for the first corrugated or pleated paper, which was used to line tall men’s hats; I have not, however, found any information on what was used to support the hats of the short men.

    TAGS:  hats, loose history, cardboard, paper, patents, Keith's Guides to Everything

things I like :: boot

Men with dapper hats.

    TAGS:  hats, dapper

Peter’s first butterfly hat had a funny way of fluttering off his head at the most inopportune moments.

    TAGS:  hats, Peter, butterflies

Cucumbers are not a suitable prop when photographing the nude.

    TAGS:  hats, appropriate, photography, cucumbers, feather boas, judicious, props

If I ever build a time machine, it will take the form of a rather stylish hat.

    TAGS:  hats, time travel

Hats and umbrellas were not nearly enough protection when the flying manatees were migrating.

    TAGS:  umbrellas, hats, manatees


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