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A great place to keep your fantastic ideas, like, "Hey! I need to write more sentences about crickets and English gentlemen with unruly beards."
I don’t understand why everything about religion has to be so complicated; for instance, the guys and I are thinking about driving up for the Pope’s funeral, but if we call it a roadtrip, will it sound like goofing off; and can we drink beer on the way?
Funerals, like Christmas presents, are usually more a reflection of the taste of the giver than that of the (dearly departed) recipient.
After the funeral, she rounded upon her husband with the following, oft-repeated directive: “When I die, nobody is permitted to speak one word about me who didn’t personally know me; if you can’t locate a friend of the ecumenical variety, then dammit, declare the whole funeral an ‘open mic’ event.”
Tears. Sadness. Relief. Phone rings. It's my sister on her way to a funeral hundreds of kilometres away. I think it's a routine family check in (normal when any of…
While discussing funeral arrangements, the old man pointed a bony finger at the funeral director…sorry…post-life administrator, and said, “Listen, I want there to be klowns at my funeral to keep things light, but I need you to understand that they have to be klowns with a ‘k’, not with a ‘c’, because klowns with a ‘c’ are just asshats in makeup, while klowns with a ‘k’ are funny in ways that can’t be explained.”
Always let your friends know that if something terrible should happen to them you’re ready to stand up and speak for them at a time when they can’t, but under no circumstances whatsoever should you let them proofread the secret eulogies you’ve written on the backs of bar napkins.
As he approached the grave he felt grave indeed, but then his mind wandered, and found himself thinking about gravy.
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