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roadtrip :: Keith

I don’t understand why everything about religion has to be so complicated; for instance, the guys and I are thinking about driving up for the Pope’s funeral, but if we call it a roadtrip, will it sound like goofing off; and can we drink beer on the way?

    TAGS:  death, alcohol, funerals, roadtrip, complications, pope, religion

Funerals, like Christmas presents, are usually more a reflection of the taste of the giver than that of the (dearly departed) recipient.

    TAGS:  funerals

last word :: pam

After the funeral, she rounded upon her husband with the following, oft-repeated directive: “When I die, nobody is permitted to speak one word about me who didn’t personally know me; if you can’t locate a friend of the ecumenical variety, then dammit, declare the whole funeral an ‘open mic’ event.”

    TAGS:  friends, funerals

Tears.  Sadness.  Relief.  Phone rings.  It's my sister on her way to a funeral hundreds of kilometres away.  I think it's a routine family check in (normal when any of…

    TAGS:  funerals

the old man and the ‘c’ :: You can call me, 'Sir'

While discussing funeral arrangements, the old man pointed a bony finger at the funeral director…sorry…post-life administrator, and said, “Listen, I want there to be klowns at my funeral to keep things light, but I need you to understand that they have to be klowns with a ‘k’, not with a ‘c’, because klowns with a ‘c’ are just asshats in makeup, while klowns with a ‘k’ are funny in ways that can’t be explained.”

    TAGS:  clowns, asshats, funerals, idiosyncrasies, literary references

Always let your friends know that if something terrible should happen to them you’re ready to stand up and speak for them at a time when they can’t, but under no circumstances whatsoever should you let them proofread the secret eulogies you’ve written on the backs of bar napkins.

    TAGS:  funerals, eulogies, Keith's Guides to Everything

Grave Indeed :: Keith

As he approached the grave he felt grave indeed, but then his mind wandered, and found himself thinking about gravy.​

    TAGS:  funerals, gravy, no ducks here, wandering thoughts, grave - the place, grebes, grave - the feeling


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