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Divorce

My (now deceased) disabled husband and I were married for 43 years and loved each other very much, so you should have understood that when I filed for divorce and tried to get him summarily and forcibly removed from the family home of 40 years by falsely accusing him of dangerous homosexual phone sex and by making up false stories of physical violence against me, it was just my way of showing him love and trying to get him proper medical care; you should have represented his interests better—or at least gotten a bigger retainer before defending him from me.

    TAGS:  love, marriage, dead, divorce, legal, homosexuality, spouse, phone sex


Due to a high propensity for divorce coupled with great enthusiasm for marriage among his relations, Henry had an astounding total of twelve grandmothers, all of whom, by a sad coincidence (but after many happy, healthy years!), passed away during the same semester—but try getting a math teacher to believe that!

    TAGS:  Henry, marriage, divorce, grandmothers, math, coincidence, teachers, enthusiasm


Talent. :: Br. Ezra

Returning to the “dating scene” after years of marriage can be frustrasting for the recently divorced especially if your talent is mimicing the mating cries of several North American bird species.

    TAGS:  birds, dating, divorce, mimic, mating cry


Unforgiven :: 'mouse

“But, but, everyone says ‘it’s always easier to beg forgiveness than to ask permission,’” stuttered Patrick as his wife handed him the divorce paperwork.

    TAGS:  divorce, forgiveness, Patrick


Lauren crossed out “irreconcilable differences” on the divorce petition and wrote in “night farts.”

    TAGS:  divorce, fart - the thing, flatulence, farts


Ken keyed Barbie’s dream car after learning that she had hired Chester’s Sock Puppet Lawyer to handle their divorce.

    TAGS:  Barbie, divorce, sock puppets, Ken


There is no substantiating proof to the claim that Victoria Principal’s ex-husband, Dr. McGreedy, divorced her because of her head too closely resembling that of an oversized Barbie doll.

    TAGS:  divorce, urban legends, movie stars, Victoria Principal


Divorce Doggy Style :: Br. Ezra

My ex-wife is one of those unfortunate people you can’t talk to reasonably - she thinks she is always right and never leaves any air space for other people to share their views - so during our divorce proceedings, when she would leave me alone in the house all day, I would express my concerns by pooping in her favorite shoes.

    TAGS:  divorce, doggy style, pooping


Jimmy thought it rude divorce papers being served by that jerk in suede.

    TAGS:  haiku, divorce, Jimmy writes haiku, suede


On Christmases and birthdays, Josie would gift her ex-husband with his own possessions, originally won by her in the divorce decree; the self-help books he gave her in return she threw out in the yard where the hounds would chew them.

    TAGS:  Christmas, divorce, josie, self-help


Divorce Warrior! :: Br. Ezra

When it comes to divorce Stephen Lynch is a fucking warrior!

    TAGS:  divorce, warriors


Divorce Etiquette :: Br. Ezra

Belinda toweled herself off with Dexter’s dignity.

    TAGS:  etiquette, divorce, dignity


Car Revenge :: Jo

When he drops them off and they’re hysterical and crazy with unhappiness and grief, I’m sorely tempted to slash his tires or put sugar in his gas tank.

    TAGS:  divorce, revenge


 

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