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Church
fithing :: Keith

Once Little Jimmy had learned that “tithing” meant one-tenth of something, it was a lot easier to understand why everyone in the Last Hope Salvation congregation went white as ghosts when the Reverend Jacob started pounding his fist on the pulpit and talking about twithing, and why Old Lady MacMillian collapsed when the reverend stopped pounding, grew quiet, and then whispered, “And maybe even thrithing”; but he didn’t understand why fithing wasn’t a word; didn’t it mean fifty percent of something?; and did they have to stare at him so hard just because he stood up and said the word, which he still thought was a word, and they just weren’t admitting it; he couldn’t help Old Lady MacMillian was passed out cold on the floor, besides, no one else seemed to have even noticed, except for maybe that little perve Bobby Jenkins just down the pew from her, who was craning his neck back and forth around his mom, doing his best to try and see up her skirt, which if you thought about it, seemed a whole lot worse then a stupid question about fithing.

    TAGS:  church, worse, tithing


Snart: A condition resulting from a sneeze that causes a simultanous fart when in a public place, especially a library or a cavernous church with wooden pews.

    TAGS:  libraries, church, fart - the thing, sneeze, snart, scrine medical lexicon, snarting


Peter finally gave up on Amway and went back to church, since it was the only pyramid scheme that’d ever brought him any comfort.

    TAGS:  Peter, church, comfort, Amway, sacrilege, pyramid schemes


“I am the best friend the church ever had,” the Devil remarked as he stretched his long, slender legs out underneath the table, “Without me no one would come into your silly buildings and listen to you prattle on about such nonsense.”

    TAGS:  church, The Devil, joyful heresy


When the chief went to work on Sunday afternoons, it never felt anything like church until one of the older residents would show up to preach about the irritating noise of skateboard wheels on the sidewalk outside their window.

    TAGS:  work, The Chief, church, noise, preaching, skateboards


Red Coyote tested the parishioner’s faith by holding open the door for the curious grizzly.

    TAGS:  church, faith, grizzly bears, Red Coyote, parishioners


There should be a church for typeface fanatics and they could call their leader The Fontiff.

    TAGS:  church, words of scrine, fonts, fanatics, typeface


 

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