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In a perfect world, thought Muriel, there’d be a Brassiere of the Month Club, which would mail new bras to her door so she wouldn’t have to endure shopping for them.
(Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bra) As it turns out, the brassiere serves an important secondary function: keeping your nipples from freezing off.
Rufus is a little self-conscious regarding his extensive brassiere knowledge, but my friend Schuster assures him that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and that every boy is curious about bras and has, at one time or another, tried on his mother’s brassiere…. if he’s a freak.
“1. A breast support system for a large breasted woman that is used in conjunction with a brassiere comprising means for uplifting and laterally displacing at least one breast, said means having a maximum transverse dimension that is less by a predetermined amount than the maximum lateral dimension of said at least one breast, said means being disposed in a cup of the brassiere proximate the under-base of the breast adjacent to the chest, said means for uplifting and laterally displacing comprises a smooth covering, said means for uplifting and laterally displacing comprises an elongated body, including a prominent central bulge, with a top surface having an elevated protuberance centrally disposed expressing the central bulge, a bottom surface that is generally convex, a forward surface, and a back surface with a central portion that is concave, the top surface has a forward edge connected to a top edge of the forward surface and a rear edge connected to a top edge of the back surface, and the bottom surface has a forward edge connected to a bottom edge of the forward surface and a rear edge connected to a bottom edge of the back surface, said concave central portion of the back surface smoothly adapts to the contour of the chest, said central bulge having a maximum transverse dimension that is less by a predetermined amount than the maximum lateral dimension of said at least one breast, said elongated body comprises a pair of wings, each of said wings is disposed laterally of the prominent central bulge and the top surface of the elongated body proximate each of the flexible wings is lower than the top surface associated with the central bulge allowing a lateral portion of the breast to rest thereon, and each of the pair of wings is flexible to more readily allow the bottom surface to conform with the contour of the cup of the brassiere, said central bulge uplifts and redistributes the weight of the at least one breast, whereby, a woman wearing a brassiere with the means for uplifting and laterally displacing experiences relief from back and neck fatigue.”
Some days Henry wished he’d listened more to his Uncle Joe’s advice and gone into brassiere sales.
Henry was more than a little suspicious when asked if he'd enjoy a support group, a term he'd always assumed was the collective noun for brassiere.
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