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potential :: Jo

The vast potential of coconut drinks comes not in the vessel, so much as the delivery system for the sweet blotting effect; they’re all about love.

    TAGS:  love, 1st Sentence, alcohol, coconuts, potential

meditation 101 :: 'mouse

Begin by looking deeply into this glass of scotch.

    TAGS:  alcohol, scotch

rodentia blues :: Keith

Two sentences were sitting at the bar, discussing meditation over glasses of scotch, when one says to the other, “You know, I agree with you about corporations destroying your will to live, but I’ll have you know, the result of working for yourself, and maybe this is also the out-and-out goal of the large corporation, is the destruction of your ability to live.”

    TAGS:  alcohol, work, destruction, bar, corporate, scotch, willpower

oooooh, bats :: 'mouse

Tequila is not a hallucinogen, tequila is not a hallucinogen, tequila is not a hallucinogen…

    TAGS:  alcohol, tequila, hallucinogenic

roadtrip :: Keith

I don’t understand why everything about religion has to be so complicated; for instance, the guys and I are thinking about driving up for the Pope’s funeral, but if we call it a roadtrip, will it sound like goofing off; and can we drink beer on the way?

    TAGS:  death, alcohol, roadtrip, funerals, complications, pope, religion

time matters :: 'mouse

There are those who say time is a vexing illusion, others will tell you it’ll take you on the wildest ride of your life, once there was even a brilliant philosopher who claimed the true passage of time could only be measured by the burnt, curled edge of his plastic spatula, but when it comes down to it, there is only one reason for the existence of time and one thing you need to know about it:  Friday afternoon Happy Hour begins down at the local tavern at 5:00 p.m. sharp.

    TAGS:  time, alcohol, philosophy

oj the hemmingway :: 'mouse

Mimosas are for sissies; from now on I’m re-constituting my frozen orange juice with nothing but rum.

    TAGS:  alcohol, rum, sissies, orange juice, mimosas

spring fever :: steve

Just as soon as I finish this beer, I’m going to get out of my hammock, turn on the hose, and put out the fire that seems to have spread from the grill to the house.

    TAGS:  home, alcohol, beer, fire, hammock, grill, house

ouch :: 'mouse

Pain that is kicked out of one’s muscles by liberal oral application of tequila is sure to come back about 12 hours later, duller, sodden, very pissed off and dead-set on taking up residence inside one’s skull.

    TAGS:  alcohol, tequila

muscles :: 'mouse

As he poured another drink, Joe thought, my liver is a muscle, so the more I use it and the harder I push it, the stronger it will get.

    TAGS:  alcohol, muscles, exercise, liver

proof :: 'mouse

All other things being about equal, 160 proof bourbon will cause a far worse hangover than the same quantity of 120 proof scotch.

    TAGS:  alcohol, hangovers

Alcohol Facts 4372 :: 'mouse

Julie noted ruefully that there is a meaningful difference in the intensity of the hangover from drinking four martinis over the course of a long evening compared with what happens when you drink the same amount of gin from a water glass 15 minutes before going to bed.

    TAGS:  alcohol, drinking, martinis

Wine works a lot better than beer, but expensive drinks made by recent immigrants are the most effective of all.

    TAGS:  alcohol, beer, wine

Holes :: goliard

Today, I'll think I'll up the ante to a jack and coke, instead of just that lonely ass beer I've been utilizing.  You do know something about shoring up the…

    TAGS:  alcohol, listening

if you down a 6.8 fluid once bottle of 20 proof, but only mix it with coffee; are you really drunk?

    TAGS:  alcohol

1/3 part kahlua, 1/3 part raw tupelo honey, 1/3 part strong coffee (to chase 10mg of valium with….)

    TAGS:  coffee, alcohol, honey, recipes, kahlua

warm gin :: 'mouse

Bronwyn looked around the office wondering whether it would be better (less bad?) to drink warm gin from the cat bowl or directly from the bottle.

    TAGS:  alcohol, work, cats, gin, cat bowl, office, warm gin

Schuster couldn’t help me move on account of the trial, but each night he’d stop by to help polish off the beer and tell me something new about Mr. Bevins.

    TAGS:  alcohol, Schuster, Mr. Bevins, trial

Half-Sober :: Keith

“Sure I get drunk every other day,” my friend Schuster told me last night, “but I like to think of myself as a half-sober kind of guy, which makes me an optimist.”

    TAGS:  alcohol, Schuster, friends, drunk, optimism

Rufus thought it was beginning to feel like Christmas at the house, but my friend Schuster only scoffed, pointing out that there wasn’t any rum.

    TAGS:  Christmas, alcohol, Rufus & Schuster, Schuster, Rufus, the c word

“Alcohol will kill anything that’s alive and preserve anything that’s dead.”

    TAGS:  alcohol, zimmerman

“The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.

    TAGS:  guest scriner, alcohol, dieting

The simplicity of life. :: JadedBeauty

He sped past them on the narrow road, nearly colliding with a much smaller car and haphazardly swerving back into his own lane: Careless…reckless…possibly crazy…apparently intoxicated…“Haha, he must be more drunk than us!” As quickly as he passed, he was gone, the tail lights of the old Silvardo fading into the distance…“Where did he go!?” Neither was sure, but as it goes, everything is fine until you can prove different….But there, aproximately one mile from the foolish display of demonstration, the white truck sat smoking…It was then, they knew as they approached, it was more than probable that he was dead, but neither wanted to voice that… neither wanted to put their suspicions into truth: But he wasn’t gone, he was struggling: Broken legs, bleeding head, but ALIVE: No doubt the shots of Jaeger and the LIT’s consumed in pure haste, in the name of socialization, through fleeting feelings of immortality had numbed his body…The alcohol had allowed him to escape shock, to escape an premature fate: The other man, barely able to form proper words in his own language, let alone theirs, said, “Mi nombre es Camilo…Llama por favor, mi esposa…Mi Esposa, por favor…” And that was it, it was over…Nothing more fell from his lips as he sat trapped behind the cold, uncaring, hard steel of his own means of life, transportation, and career: The red and blue lights cast ominous shadows over the lifeless body of an innocent victim, while the catalyst, the reaper, groaned and fidgeted in his own smoking truck, “My leg, oh, I broke my leg…GET ME OUT…” And as she watched those lights, blue, red, blue, red, she came to the realization that it could have been them, tonight, tommorrow, yesterday…(I’m sorry. This is a true story to which I was unfortunate enough to play a part in tonight. If I join the Bent Rules Club tonight, so be it. R.I.P. Camilo…I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting you before the events of tonight, but I have no doubt, someone will miss you…Think before you drink and drive…I know that my sister and I will from this day on…)

    TAGS:  death, alcohol, Bent Rule Club, true story

Booze and Due Dates :: OhNo789

Caleb slumped down in his easy chair with a bottle of gin in his left and a 40 page paper in his right; with one flick of his wrist he flung all 39.7 pages into the dying fire, and even though it was worthless, in those last fleeting seconds of the paper’s life it seemed to warm him, or was that the gin?

    TAGS:  alcohol, gin

3 sheets to the wind :: secretlover

sounded like a lot more fun than it turned out to be.

    TAGS:  alcohol

“Don’t take with alcohol and avoid caffiene and spicey food.”

    TAGS:  alcohol, caffeine, instructions, medicine

lush life :: 'mouse

I always use my brother’s phone number for the “rewards card” when I buy large quantities of alcohol at the supermarket; if anyone ever subpoenas the records, I’m clean and he’s a double-duty lush.

    TAGS:  alcohol, booze, rewards card, lush

I imagine being a baby was a lot like being piss-drunk, stumbling around, and minced words, stretches of time you have no recollection of, always building towards the mental sobriety of adulthood, only with sobriety comes the headaches, and the want to take care of those “younger” than you.

    TAGS:  death, alcohol, kids

1, 2, 3 :: JadedBeauty

Sober Me says, “One drink is all you can afford,” Drunk Me says, “Sober Me has a credit card.”

    TAGS:  alcohol

The Wright Brothers may have discovered flight, but in the ‘70s, we discovered that the secret of flying is to put shag carpet on the ceiling, mix copious quantities of drugs and alcohol and then lie on your back on the floor.

    TAGS:  alcohol, drugs, flight, flying, shag carpet

social lubricant :: 'mouse

Vern was surprised to learn that “social lubricant” generally referred to alcohol consumption, but it did explain the strange reaction he’d gotten when shaking hands after conditioning his palms with a liberal squirt of Astroglide.

    TAGS:  alcohol, lubricants

Things started out well with a welcoming, "Hello, my name is _____ and I'm an alcoholic," but then took a surprising turn for the worse as Kevin realized that he'd been mishearing for all those years and the meeting was not a club of like-minded "Alcoholics Unanimous" as he had always thought.

    TAGS:  alcohol, ear farts

Ralph found that an occasional hangover was an excellent way to stay humble.

    TAGS:  alcohol, drinking, hangovers, ouch


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