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Timmy spent so long arguing that he wasn’t the one who allowed zombies into the house that in the end it didn’t much matter, because the whole family was eaten alive.

    TAGS:  family, zombies, Timmy

“Just a few scratches on the boy,” the doctor reassured Timmy’s mother, “nothing serious at all; but you might want to have his eyes examined, because he really should have seen that tortoise coming.”

    TAGS:  accident prone, eyes, Timmy, turtles, tortoises

Career Day :: Keith

“And now class, let’s give our special attention to Timmy’s father, who has been kind enough to come in today and talk to us about growing old, bald and fat.”

    TAGS:  aging, school, bald, Timmy, fat

Timmy’s Head :: Keith

It was Timmy’s incurable case of misshapen head that led to his love of hats.

    TAGS:  hats, heads, Timmy, misshapen

“My human just keeps crashing to the sky!” yelled Timmy, so frustrated that he stomped off, leaving the human floating where in hit.

    TAGS:  Timmy, floating, kites

Timmy’s Turtle :: Keith

“I thought you’d be more loving,” Timmy told the turtle as he dropped it into the lake.

    TAGS:  love, animals, disappointment, Timmy, turtles, lakes, pets

Signing Gossip :: Keith

“Did you hear about that car door slamming Little Timmy’s hand this weekend?” the instructor asked the school’s principal; “I hear that with his fingers all smashed, he’s slurring all his signing, and that the kids have taken to calling him Elmer Fudd.”

    TAGS:  auto, school, Timmy, Elmer Fudd, little timmy

Shrink Ray :: Keith

Having accidentally shot his own imagination with the shrink ray gun (which he would have sworn was unloaded), Timmy decided to watch TV.

    TAGS:  imagination, Timmy

Kindergarten :: Keith

“I like counting!” Timmy said with a smile; “Tastes just like chicken!”

    TAGS:  children, Timmy

Somedays :: 'mouse

Some days Timmy felt he was nothing but a coffee stain on the white shirt of the universe.

    TAGS:  coffee, Timmy

Grumpy Turtle :: Keith

Timmy never did understand why the turtle was so grumpy in the morning.

    TAGS:  animals, Timmy, turtles, grumpy, boyhood adventure, pets

Although Little Timmy had no idea government agencies would all maintain thick files on him in the future, he did have a deep, foreboding sense that someone was fucking with him, which sort of took the fun out of playing in the sandbox.

    TAGS:  alias, Timmy, government, paranoia, little timmy

To prove his love, Timmy would sometimes kidnap his own turtle and demand huge, impossible ransoms, which he gladly paid.

    TAGS:  Timmy, turtles, ransom, kidnapping

Timmy loved his tortoise, but late at night would sometimes find himself wishing he’d bought the gnu.

    TAGS:  Timmy, gnus, tortoises

“My hope is to be reborn as a romantic Oklahoma twister,” Timmy told the counselor, “just going from town to town, swirling the girls away one right after the other.”

    TAGS:  Timmy, swirling, Oklahoma, twisters

Timmy had thought it would be fun if his pig knew the robot dance, but acting like a robot soon went to the pig’s head, and before Timmy knew it, his pig was acting all uppity, doing things like complicated mathematics and saying, “Does not compute,” when he was being scolded for pooping in the house.

    TAGS:  anthropomorphism, ridiculous encounters, Timmy, pigs, mathematics, robot dance, uppity

Timmy never tired of playing pirate, but his pet turtle, balanced precariously on the boy’s small shoulder in the role of faithful parrot, could have done with a bit less swashbuckling.

    TAGS:  pirates, Timmy, turtles

Timmy wished the Amazon turtles weren't so sad.

    TAGS:  tears, amazon, Timmy, turtles


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