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NoTags 2011

“What a wonderful time to have not disappeared.

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My odd dream….. :: Bird Bones

Although the dream involved us speeding down the road in a late 1960’s Mustang, ala ‘Thelma and Louise’, I don’t remember the part of about them spinning their tires on a big Rice Krispie mountain…..

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Today’s random play list tickled me with the following genres back-to-back: Hard rock, folk, early rock & roll, dance, rap, blues, post-grunge, sunshine pop, country, vocal jazz, power-pop, blues (the first repeat), easy-listening, psychedelic.

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“After successfully mating the yak with the ox, I found I’d created a completely new species I called the yox, which then gave me the idea to breed ferrets with the yox to see if evolution could possibly spin backwards to recreate the already existing fox, but this experiment went awry when I grew tired to cleaning out the ferret cages and the yox went out of heat because of the stench in the lab.”

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I dreamed that he was in a committed gay relationship and sewing elaborate dresses with burlap and lace; just like anyone, I suppose.

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Being ‘permanently laid off’ sounds so much better than being fired; and while the deja vu’ness of going back to drinking and smoking dope while collecting unemployment is, albeit, attractive, i still need to get a job just to pay for someone else to take care of my children so I don’t start drinking and smoking dope again.

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Working :: Jo

If it weren’t for the morning commute the sun simply wouldn’t rise in the morning and the earth would stop turning.

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I’m So Sorry. :: OhNo789

The clock ticked in its place on the bedside table, and the phone buzzed, as if to itself, entombed in the folds of yesterdays cloths, crying out for the man swaddled in blankets, who would press his cold toes to the floorboards some hours later, and check his messages.

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In her cleaning frenzy, she adroitly squirted the toilet bowl cleaner in the bowl, applied the brush, and flicked a drop in her right eye, only to spend the next 20 minutes under the tap.

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Hello, old friend. :: Centerfold

I was supposed to be looking for my misfortunes but instead found myself knee-deep in Scrine memories.

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We are over our heads in the stuff of time and change, mushy goopy stuff that fills the orifices and blinds us to stillness and simplicity.

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Why must everyone use my bathroom at the same time?

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You’re the best!  Around! :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Nothing beats great customer service.

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In the grand finale of accepting my middle-agedness I found myself stumbling out the front door at 3am and screaming a non-stop stream of obscenities at my fine teenaged neighbors for jumping off the roof into the sandpile out front; so I kinda lost my shit, but really, how much stupidity is one required to tolerate??

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shrooms :: 'mouse

The talking wolverine and the mysteriously flat bicycle tire were the first signs that despite appearances, those wild mushrooms were not the same as the ones you get at the supermarket.

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You can tell a lot about intensity from its length.

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Pokemonkeys :: Keith

In time, those making highly questionable moves would become known as pokemonkeys.

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If five a.m. is the goal I’m aiming for, I say let’s move it a couple of hours later.

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Can I hire an attorney to sue himself, and if not, isn’t denying me access to the legal representation of my choice an affront to my civil liberties?

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I am planning on visiting Washington, D.C. in the spring and am wondering if your gift shop carries the hard to find Sexy Librarians of the Midwest calendar.

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In this morning’s daily case-summaries, I received the following which illustrates why no one who knows and loves punctuation should ever feel stifled by Scrine’s one-sentence rule:In an insurer’s suit to recover its payment to the injured parties from a broker who failed to procure or canceled excess liability insurance to cover the insured’s ranching operations, arising from an underlying action against the insured for a fatal automobile accident caused by the insured’s escaped bull, the trial court’s denial of the insurer’s request to intervene in the negligence and breach of contract action against the broker is affirmed where:1) because the insurer would have been responsible for its share of the injury even if the policy promised by the broker had been in place, it is not entitled to reimbursement, but only to apportionment of the loss; and2) where two parties are contractually bound to provide insurance for the same loss, the payment by one does not create superior equities, rather a right to equitable contribution, and as such, the trial court correctly concluded the insurer has no interest in the action against the insurance agent because the insurer cannot establish the elements of a claim for equitable subrogation.

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Miracle drug :: JadedBeauty

Booze is a very tricky substance.

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I’ve got an iPod like a pirate ship, I’ll sail the seas with fifty thousand songs I’ve never heard, all the best of them go “Fa la la la la la la la…”

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Nathan abhorred the dark of nighttime and surrounded his house with glaring megawatts of bright light; his neighbor, Clothilde, silently plotted his demise.

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Symptom 1) You find yourself sticking your nose in a cup of fragrant tea to inhale the jasmine scent, closing your eyes and clicking your teeth on the cup rim chanting I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go home

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When Pandora sends you a sour song in your lineup, like MIchael Jackson’s Thriller for instance, it’s time to wonder what the Pandora Gods see and you don’t about the situation at hand.

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“Tatto Removal 30% Off”

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American Idiot :: 'mouse

If it’s not hurting you’re ears you’re not playing it right.

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Inspired by his recent success with lying about his age on the Internet, nine year old Billy told his unsuspecting parents that he was 19 and was immediately given keys to the family car, as long as he promised to stop by the store on the way home and pick up some milk.

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His parents had a long, rich tradition of wasting time, both their own and their son’s, but not that Henry noticed or particularly cared as he casually read the TV guide straight through until lunch.

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Why I Worry :: Jo

My children are learning to ride the rails today like modern day commuting hobos, between their dad’s house and mine; they’re chockablock with hubris, and you know how the gods feel about that.

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They weren’t quite sure just what the kittten looked like - but not like a cat, for sure.

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Cah Cah Cah :: Keith

After class the birds gathered around the mouse to tease him about his C on the spelling test, calling out, “Cah, cah, cah,” until Miss Spilling, the social studies teacher, chased the unruly flock out of the room.

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EGLAT for Dummies :: bakerina

Do we now need a standardized test to measure a student’s aptitude for subscribing to/unsubscribing from e-mail group lists?

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What kind of person climbs in a big steel tube and hurtles themself 40,000 feet through the sky toward Japan?

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Scrabble Addict :: 'mouse

Today I read a great word online which used three Os and a Z and I will never rest until I play it, preferably onto a triple score.

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Lyrics in my dreams :: JadedBeauty

I’ll miss you for the most part.

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I Believe! :: Jo

Somehow, the money will just show up.

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Jaded :: JadedBeauty

The innocence you loved no longer lights my eyes; I don’t think you know, but you took it with you when you left.

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It’s Alive :: OhNo789

In the cold clutches of winter, they realized, the city was a living thing - the tops of skyscrapers, all breathing out smokey life with the coated cups of coffee carried around or set on a bench, and the dying park, and the monsters that dwell in our hearts or the subway, giving us a playful wink when they exhale up a skirt - each in their turn reminding us that they are all there: the buildings we never go into, the coffee we use like addicts (which we certainly are not), the park we walk through once a year in the spring, the monsters. . .

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Yellow :: OhNo789

Yellowing were the white winter gloves, the fingers beneath them, and mother made those gloves, and mother made those fingers - pull the thoughts in, pull the thoughts together, one day you’ll quit, but for now another cigarette.

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In The Good Old Days(tm) we used to have six to eight pages of color comics on Sunday

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Sometimes it takes a heap of Dungeness and a bottle of wine to really get things going.

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satisfaction :: Centerfold

I could lie and tell you that it’s never enough and that I will always want more…but the truth is…I don’t know if I’ll ever be as happy as I am right now.

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Modern Ostrich :: 'mouse

If I don’t open the email, it didn’t happen yet.

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He stood at the top of Jumper’s Peak, looking out upon his humble little city in the valley eating away at the surrounding forrest with its large, rectangular apartment building teeth, and the wind whipped at his back, and the lone wolf howled in the distance, and he could just make out the sound of a car alarm - smell the pine on the air (tinged with the toxic smoke) - and he decided, then, not to . . . leave; he turned on his heel, and was met by a cop on patrol (they’d take it in nightly rounds to check the peak, and the base for “lifies” and “deadies”) and the cop scared him then, on the edge, and the cop shined the light in his eyes, and he reeled back a step, and the ledge didn’t hold, but he did a flip or two on the long, long long way down.

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“Which way do you think a roll of toilet paper should hang?”

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Better Call It :: OhNo789

In those days, schools called in cancellations to be run under the story of a dog who could bark to the tune of the alphabet, or some early morning PBS cartoon, and I think that is why I still watch the news in the morning - hoping to get lucky, hoping that they haven’t called his name in to the war’s death count, like my mother when she couldn’t afford another day off of work for ice.

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She hired Mubarek as her personal dictator, with immediate results at work and at home.

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Thunder Snow :: 'mouse

Maybe I wouldn’t like it so much if I was stuck in a blizzard featuring it in Chicago, but I’m totally naming my next band “Thunder Snow.”

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ripe :: 'mouse

She ripened slowly, like a mango.

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There is one man’s voice in this whole world which I abhor, which makes my blood boil, and sends me to trembling, which I fear, and I always get his messages before going to bed.

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Lackadaisical :: OhNo789

Not doing something is an option, and always will be an option - though our mothers, and countless protagonists will have us believe that there will come a time when you can’t tunnel around mandatory.

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Windows v. Apple :: 'mouse

In the battle of windows versus apples, the abandoned old farmhouse next to the orchard never stood a chance against little Jimmy’s pitching arm.

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contraband :: 'mouse

Beth was surprised and amused every time she waltzed right through customs.

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Of My Wayfarers :: OhNo789

My fiberless cloth and I, we can clean the dust specks and smudge marks off the world.

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A suggestion (in the succulent center) of kissing the painted light fingers who made morsels of cookie crumbsandI can almost taste you on the rim of the glass of milk you left alone on my lip-red counter.

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Covered in flour , and nothing else, you lay in a sprawl on the kitchen floor - scattered baked goods, dashed hopes (in with the salt) -andI return from the chocolate on your neck to the perspiring glass of 1% on the counter for more.

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up :: 'mouse

Nate decided to will himself taller, though his friends recommended lifts in his shoes.

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Kiki, the cat, brings my wife a dead bird as a “please don’t ever go on vacation without me again” present and she scritches his ears and goes on about how cute he is; I bring her a dead rat and she looks at me like I’m some kind of axe murderer.

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us. :: JadedBeauty

Fairy tales never last in real life, do they?

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Boots :: OhNo789

I contemplate the work boots under coat on its rack - the orangey soles worn off, the holes the socks bathe in when it rains or snows or blusters on beaches hundreds of thousands of shoe-lengths from home, the wrinkles where the pad bends in a step, who begin to crack with the age, consider the miles, perpend the roads man has walked down, wrap in tape once a day before work before thought - I buy a new set, steeled heart, after my head opens like an egg on the pavement in a fall; I cannot sleep at night, and wish the coat would fall, but it doesn’t - boots contemplate me, too young for boots like them, consider me, perpend the first perpent, and the trash.

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The end times :: 'mouse

Why is the crescent moon all twisted over like a cheshire cat grin in the evening lately?

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prickly :: 'mouse

There is an angry hedgehog trapped inside my chest.

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Jury Nullification :: 'mouse

I sure hope I get picked for the jury for that assault case where the guy punched out the Catholic priest who molested him 30 years ago so I can find him not-guilty and pin a medal on him.

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Left and Leaving :: OhNo789

My hair like my father, when I was in my mid-teens, and before my first girlfriend could have the delight of the acquaintance - I imagine it now, the wig of my old bowl cut creaking open the door to my room, and giving me a kiss on the head, suitcase in one hairy hand, keys to the all but broken down chevrolet palmed in the other.

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By using a banana for the condom demonstration, don’t you think you’re setting young women’s expectations a bit high?

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All praise to the man :: bakerina

...who found a way for me to hear “Central Park ‘n’ West” by Ian Hunter for the first time since I was fifteen years old.

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As long as they are used for good, and not evil, filling out forms can be a downright satisfying way to spend a Friday.

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There’s someone inside of me that loves you more than she loves me.

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Bad Romance :: OhNo789

I feel like there was a perfect moment somewhere in the haze of cigarette smoke and faux fog, a moment in the blinding light of the strobe stop motioning your dip to the dance floor, and the wanton tuck of the bang behind the ear, when your fingers and inhibitions caved to carved v edges of my hip, and without missing a beat you pushed your stomach, your breasts against me like I was being robbed, the alcohol and bass your ski mask from tomorrow.

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The Dog’s Last :: OhNo789

I wouldn’t mind having a three way with you and your boyfriend while he’s taken that trip up north, and you taste of Pinot noir.

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While Peter wore his w-hat, he couldn’t help but question his taste in hats.

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Cheesy, I know. :: OhNo789

The wine and cheese tasting party in the middle of the woods had been going surprisingly well, until a grizzly was drawn in by our camembert.

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duh-dun tsh? :: OhNo789

Perspiring is such a dirty word; like moist, it makes me need to take a shower.

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There is nothing like a steaming bowl of taco-tobasco soup to agitate the sinuses into submission.

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I challenge you to name a food better than the peanut-butter chocolate milkshake.

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Palm trees, light breeze, sand, ocean, period.

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Humans are such fragile creatures; humans are so resilient.

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Today for lunch I just had some excellent split-pea with ham soup made from the leftover bone from my Honeybaked Christmas ham.

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I’d like to say something profound here about the joys of using tools and building something like a redwood fence, but I’m just to blissed out (and cold and wet in a not-bad way) for profundity.

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pantry archeology :: 'mouse

I can’t decide if I’m appalled or ecstatic to discovery a little tiny jar of homemade blackberry jam that’s been hiding in the back of the pantry for nearly a decade… (pop!) (sniff, sniff) ecstatic.

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The contrast between weekday and weekend was so abrupt that she decided to change her name and move to Idaho, just to try for some continuity.

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Last night I had an incredibly long detailed, tactile vivid dream complete with sound, touch and smell—about installing a tow-hitch on my truck.

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“In a commercial lease dispute, the trial court’s ruling is affirmed where the lessor waived an antiwaiver provision in a commercial lease and the lessor cites no authority that an antiwaiver provision in a lease cannot itself be waived.”

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Google Giggles :: 'mouse

Having just looked at my Gmail spam folder, Google helpfully offered me a link to a recipe for “Ginger Spam Salad.”

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Singer drags at the flask close to his heart, bassist’s fingers roll like thunder in spring over E - pedal kick it into our skulls, the nicotine of the hipsters waiting outside, the idyllic life imagined in the amp, the wanton, wandering loss of the hook; threaten our women’s monogamy with a glance over the mic so long as we can pull them from the sweat and warm bruises of the ritual-esque mosh for you, and for the night and for the god of this hallowed construct, wood and concrete; finally, importantly, ultimately sing what we understand, or make us dream that we do.

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Suicide Dream :: 'mouse

He awakened groggily from the dream of suicide and realized sadly that it was not symbolic.

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Magic of Love :: 'mouse

Janis’s voice, and each screaming guitar chord, manifested as temporary but perfect rips and tears bursting through the black, cold silence of space.

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Sunbath-ing :: 'mouse

Juan stood in front of the window bathing in the morning sun hoping it would wash away the tarry residue of his vile mood.

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levity :: You can call me, 'Sir'

This along with the existence of Bakerina and ‘mouse helps to ease my normally vitriolic dislike of lawyers.

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strong hint :: skif

You know you have been at work for far too long this day when a quick glance at an Out of Office Outlook message seems to read ‘I’m currently out of the office, don’t bother contacting me’

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Her shoulder-length waves were as black as his thoughts on the subject of her opalescent velvet skin (that he would never, could never touch), imagine that pale winter skin meeting calloused blue collar hands.

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Timorous :: OhNo789

Years and years ago when people were named for their trades, she would have been named Timory, and I’d have been named something nasty like Douche-baggery IV.

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Her hair smelled as sweet as a stringer of fresh mountain trout, throwing the fisherman off-balance as he caught her eye and tossed in his line.

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Mysteries :: OhNo789

Sleep now to the warm, soft crackle of the old radio whispering mysteries from another time - the women the sound conjures in your head can wait, for now spoon the raw fleshy sound, and imagine only once, in the penultimate lidded blink, the hand on the soft belly of the hour glass you’ve navigated in your dreams.

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After his third divorce, Amir realized that as a matter of self-preservation he must give up email, cell phones, IM’s, Facebook, etc.

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If this is a “one-time enrollment” why am I filling out your stinking form for the seventh time??!!?

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At twelve digits, including at least one capital and one lowercase letter, one numeral and one of a list of “special characters” and a password that has to be updated every 30 days, the odds of my remembering it without writing it down on a post-it on my monitor decrease to zero.

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Teasing :: 'mouse

Sometimes it seems Apple is just teasing us by refusing to put SD card slots in their products.

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