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The last known sighting of a dunkleosteus in Ohio occurred in 1953 just outside of Sandusky, when the mayor, attempting to present the beast with the key to the city, instead ended up donating his arm, the state fire marshall, three lamp posts, half of the local high school band (mostly tubas and trombones), and a very nice derby hat, which in the mayor’s surprise turn of events, fell off of his head and rolled into Lake Erie.
Years before any real trouble would begin, two scraggly young boys named Rufus & Schuster found a bowler hat floating along the banks of Lake Erie; the boy named Rufus thought it might be fun to throw rocks at the hat, or maybe fish it out of the water and take turns wearing it around town, but the boy named Schuster thought throwing rocks was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, and that what he wanted to do was steal his stepfather’s .22 and take shots at it, but because Rufus was his friend and he didn’t want to hurt his feelings, he told him that they should compromise; “You wear the hat,” Schuster told Rufus, “and I’ll steal the gun and do the shooting.”
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