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Jukebox McGill
Jukebox :: pam

They called him Jukebox McGill, not just for his unwholesome ability to recall the words to every Dan Fogelberg song ever recorded, but because he had a propensity for bursting into song in the back of dark, seedy bars.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, Dan Fogelberg

“The leader of the band is fired, an’ his eyes’ve grown a node,” crooned ol’ Jukebox McGill as he swayed drunkenly to the tempo in his head, while two or three biker types wept noisily into their beers.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, Dan Fogelberg

“If it weren’t for gentrification, I would never have tried chai latte,” remarked Jukebox McGill from the depths of the dumpster behind Starbucks.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, Starbucks, chai latte

/ pals :: pam

“It’s always harder than you think to walk away from online relationships,” remarked Ol’ Jukebox, logging off the library computer for the last time, “because for one thing, no feet.”

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, web 2.0

“What I miss about the 80s is New Age stores,” said Ol’ Jukebox McGill, “‘cause you could make great tips just by telling people’s fortunes with a cardboard pyramid on your head.”

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, pyramid, new age

“I don’t know how a man can even work cell phones, with all them little, tiny buttons,” complained Jukebox McGill, going on to describe his idea of the perfect cell phone, right down to the rotary dial and the long, long cord.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill

Pet psychic :: pam

“Once, I was going to go into business as a pet psychic,” declared Jukebox McGill, gesturing with his beer mug, “but my dog here talked me out of it.”

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, psychic

Jukebox McGill stared at the statue of the fat Buddha and wondered which came first: the serenity to sit cross-legged, or the inability to stand up.

    TAGS:  Buddha, Jukebox McGill

IOU :: pam

“I’m okay with the idea of dying,” said Jukebox McGill, “but if there’s such a thing as the Rainbow Bridge, where your pets are waiting to walk with you to Heaven, I’m going to have a problem, ‘cause they’s a few hound dogs on th’ other side, I owe ‘em money.”

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, Rainbow Bridge

A long time back, Jukebox McGill had permanently stricken the entire works of Ray Charles from his repertoire; Juke mistrusted any man who was capable of singing the blues in a tuxedo.

    TAGS:  blues - the music, Jukebox McGill, the blues, Ray Charles

“Matchsticks make bad toothpicks,” observed Jukebox McGill, “unless you chew one into a point - but then you gotta use that point to pry out all the dang wood splinters.”

    TAGS:  hobby, Jukebox McGill, matchsticks

“This country is in no danger of going socialist,” snarled Jukebox McGill, swinging his backpack to knock peaches off the highest branches of the courthouse tree.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill, socialism

Street-saved :: pam

Jukebox McGill was pleased to see a new zest in his friend Bible Mose’s fire-and-brimstone rebukes, noting that the man had even traded his beat up baseball hat for a passably new one that read “RAPTURE READY”; if crazy-ass religious buskers could get quarterly reviews, thought Jukebox, Bible Mose stood ready for inspection.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill

“A heart attack would be a welcome break from the monotony,” remarked Jukebox McGill to the overworked P.A., “provided I live through it, of course - I don’t really want to be traveling over the holidays.”

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill

succinct :: pam

“All groupie, no band,” said Jukebox McGill about his latest squeeze.

    TAGS:  Jukebox McGill


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