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Sometimes J. Edgar Hoover’s ghost will take a swing at me when I bring up that whole business about the gunning down of Ma Barker, but the Bureau has no power in the afterlife, and his transparent fists barely muss my hair.

    TAGS:  afterlife, ghosts, FBI, J. Edgar Hoover, punching, Ma Barker

It always makes J. Edgar Hoover’s ghost really mad when I pretend at dinner to offer Melvin Purvis the last of the mashed potatoes.

    TAGS:  FBI, history, jealousy, Melvin Purvis

I know that J. Edgar Hoover’s ghost is still really jealous of Melvin Purvis, so sometimes I’ll say, “Hey, you remember that time Melvin shot down Dillinger after calling out, “Stick ‘em up, Johnny” and the papers couldn’t shut up about how great Melvin was?, well, I was wondering if since your name is also Johnny, if you found that ironic or uncomfortable in any way.”

    TAGS:  ghosts, loose history, FBI, history, jealousy, J. Edgar Hoover, John Dillinger, Melvin Purvis

Rufus thought that his mom wouldn’t sell her basement surveillance tapes to the FBI, like she’d threatened over breakfast, but my friend Schuster wasn’t so sure and quietly suggested that maybe it was time to take care of the problem once and for all; the two loud taps of the broom handle on the kitchen floor above clearly said, “Think again.”

    TAGS:  Rufus & Schuster, polite violence, murderous intentions, surveillance, FBI, intimidation


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