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Sometimes you wake up and all the Australians seem to have lost their minds.

    TAGS:  Australians, insane

As is the case with nearly all political scandals, which often only come to light following some unlikely or unpredictable event, Australian Prime Minister John Howard was forced from office when it was discovered that he not only knew of Attorney General Philip Ruddock’s participation in the scandalous, Bakerina jam theft, but that he also had prior knowledge that the Attorney General was, in fact, a duck, and had assumed the alias “Philip Ruddock” (undisclosed sources have revealed that prior to 1973, Ruddock was known as Philip “Rude” Duck) so that he might participate in the general election, his unblinking duck eye, at that time, focused intently on serving on the Migration Regulations Committee, which he successful did from June of 1989 through August of 1993; as to why a duck who had risen to such a powerful government position would involve himself in the theft of a few jars of jam, it was Ruddock himself who said it best when he told reporters, “Have you tasted the jam?”

    TAGS:  jam, Australians, highly unlikely, ducks - the bird, scandal

Consequences :: grudknows

‘mouse felt a range of expressions cross his face as he opened the door to be greeted with a crowd of Australians bearing trays of nibbles and demanding Margheritas.

    TAGS:  Australians, consequences, margaritas

Blimey, I mean… crikey - he had a prang with a stinger, it chucked a spaz and he carked it but seriously mate, even though some people thought he was a bit of a drongo, he really was the bee’s knees when it came to conservation, telling yarns and keeping the Aussie lingo alive.

    TAGS:  Australians, Australian slang, crocodile hunter, ockerisms, Steve Irwin

“Drongo, yakka, plonk screamed Becky as she raced past the bewildered tourists.

    TAGS:  Becky the Harlequin, Australians, bewilder

Maaaatttttttttte! :: grudknows

In Australia we’ve [almost] eliminated all words, that are commonly used to refer to one or more persons (including names), with the term “mate” (we still traditional words for expressive phrases such as, “WHO the &*@# are you?!” and such) - which, I’m sure to you foreigners sounds like the answer to any number of social-gaffs but in reality the effective use of the word ‘mate’ requires you to master a set of unwritten and complex rules relating to how the word is sounded (tone and ‘length’ of word (ie. ‘mate’, ‘maaate’, ‘maaattttteeee’)) - for example, you don’t want to infer that someone is a dickhead just because you’ve forgotten their name.

    TAGS:  word play, Australians, Australian slang, mate

well, bugger me :: boot

Mate, I’ve always what an Australian woman pirate would sound like.

    TAGS:  pirates, Australians, bugger

I do love the heady rollout of roast potatoes, searing hot dishes, and delicious hot plum pudding, but most years I wish we’d all just give it up and go for a picnic and icecream.

    TAGS:  Christmas, Australians, traditions

... these words were overhead “and boot and grudknows were thrown out of yet another pub.”

    TAGS:  Australians, pubs, misbehaving

Sometimes I worry the Australians will drink all the Friday-night beer in the world and none will be left by the time I get a chance to get to the icebox.

    TAGS:  beer, Australians, Friday night

Upside Down :: 'mouse

"If I were an Australian this wouldn't be weird," muttered Juan to himself as he cranked up the air conditioning in the middle of February.

    TAGS:  Australians, weird, global warming


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