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Alphabetti Spaghetti
a beginning :: boot

A night like no other, his night began with such hope and joy, but he ended up feeling little more than numb.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, A, beginnings, numb, like no other, hope and joy


tattletale :: baltimore

By the time M had mustered up the guts to say anything about it, the other man’s attitude towards him had become quite stoic.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, the misadventures of M


“Calm, cool, and collected,” Rufus told us over dinner one night, “that’s what women want in a man;” but my friend Schuster, his mouth stuffed so full of spaghetti that the loose ends sticking out flapped as he chewed, splattering sauce in every direction, obviously found something offensive about Rufus thinking he was an expert on women, and with pinpoint accuracy, spit out a meatball that flew across the table, hitting Rufus squarely in the head.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Rufus & Schuster


Hail Mary :: pam

Determined to finish his research, Fender rolled his sleep-crusted eyes, sighed, and typed a Hail Mary question into Google.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Fender - the character


Face the consequences. :: JadedBeauty

“Eventually,” she thought, “he will realize the magnitude of his actions and be overcome with grief.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Little Lost Pig :: Keith

Forgetting his passion for bacon, Peter befriended the little lost pig.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, bacon, pigs


Gathering nuts in May might be fun for some, but for young May it just meant four weeks hiding in a bush.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, sayings, nuts, bushes


Halfway through the first battle of the Holy Grammar War, Henry lost decidedly when he suddenly cried out, “No one gets the best of I.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Holy Grammar War, pronouns


Things I never hear… :: JadedBeauty

“I don’t know about you, but I could go for some baba gannouj.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


rats. :: e

jadedbeauty beat me to the click!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Precocious :: pam

Kids today eat far less white paste than we did back in the day, because they’re taught to read the label.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, kids, paste


bunk :: e

“lol,” she thought, and then realized that her vocabulary had become entirely bunkum.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


nanoo? :: e

“mork,” she said, “if you don’t stop that, you’re just going to have to find yourself another martian!”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Mork, nanoo


Words of Wisdom :: JadedBeauty

Never complain about bad service to a surly waiter with a facial tattoo.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


indulgence :: baltimore

Over the course of just one week, the old woman found herself growing quite plump.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Perhaps my rising stress levels are directly linked to the diminishing numbers listed on the NASDAQ?

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Quickly the Scrine zombies lurched through the night, hunting for more brains, drawling clever sentences, and throwing random letters in the air.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, zombies, brains, scriners, letters


quick! she thought, if i post this at 4am i won’t lose out by posting later.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


confession :: e

rats!, she murmured, if only i hadn’t taken time to confess!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Somehow, hosting a meeting for the Senior’s Naturist Society seemed much less appealing than being shot with a tranquilizer dart.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, tupperware, naturist


Top hats were one of the secrets, and of course, big heaping helpings of ubuntu.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, compassion, ubuntu, top hats


clutter :: OralGrist

Unfortunately for Henry, the bodies of the delivery men were starting to pile up, despite the extra storage space afforded by the large, two-car garage; the basement; and the RV.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, bodies


Curfew :: 'mouse

“Very, very busted!” shouted Walter, confronting his daughter trying to sneak in the bedroom window hours after curfew.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, busted, curfew


xmas :: e

wow! cried the boy, xbox!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


“Xanthippe is not my first choice,” Henry told his wife, “but if you insist on naming the baby after you, then I can really think of nothing better, honey.”

    TAGS:  Henry, Alphabetti Spaghetti, xanthippe


You know you’re getting old when you describe your teenager’s music as having pizazz.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, pizazz, generation gap


end of the line? :: 'mouse

Zebra experience a wave of panic as she felt her heart stop in her chest, wondering if this was the end of the line—death—and if it was like falling asleep and there would be nothing but “zzzzzzzz” from here on out... but then she felt herself finally free of those binding stripes, reborn, as she had always dreamt, as a wild appaloosa.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, animals, appaloosa, zebras


Aloicious wondered when the curious people would start appearing in Club Alphabet, as he ordered another round of ‘in their honour’ cocktails -- Juan, Miss Jane, Bronwyn, Becky, Henry, Bob!

    TAGS:  Henry, Alphabetti Spaghetti, Becky the Harlequin, Miss Jane, Bob, Juan, Bronwyn, Club Alphabet


left out :: e

but i want to come, too! she cried, in a panic!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Scold :: Keith

Bad croc!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, animals, crocodiles


oblivion :: OralGrist

Coming full circle, she looked back over the carnage of her life - of those whose lives she had touched (if by touched you meant destroyed irreversibly and irrevocably) - and at all the foolish mistakes and lost chances and almost-was's, all the blown opportunities and wasted gifts that fate had offered her, and she knew that she welcomed the end.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, mistakes, full circle


D-E :: JadedBeauty

Deluded by fond memories, false hope, and broken promises, she refused to let go of the only mutual tie they held: Love.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, love, memories, promises, false hope


heavenly :: baltimore

Dilettante has some of the most heavenly cake in existence.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, cake


erm? :: e

“duh…” said e.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


E-F :: JadedBeauty

Everytime she changed something for him, she lost a little part of herself.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


always… :: OralGrist

...forgetting…

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Bent Rule Club


An Idiom :: JadedBeauty

“Good riddance to bad rubbish.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, rubbish


Heaven is the scent of a chocolate chip cookie made from barley flour, approximately 2 1/2 minutes before it finishes baking, sez I.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, baking, cookies


scab :: OralGrist

Irene is a picker; she knows she is healing, but something makes her pick, pick, pick at it until it bleeds again; she does this by reading his last letter to her, and it makes her burst into tears (again) and drop (again) her glass of OJ.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


saffron :: 'mouse

Jimmy, high on saffron, thought that if the Spice Cops knocked on his door and and accused him of violating probation, he could get off by saying, “Jimmy’s not here, I’m Jimmy’s duck.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, ducks, Spice Cops, duck - the bird, saffron


Keith feared bad news regarding his bowel.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, bowels


“Luckily,” the doctor told him, “it’s just your duwadum.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, duwadum


My purpose for this sentence will soon be known.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Never refer to your erection as “your little Sonny Bono.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, erections, Sonny Bono


Oh, how the small obese seagull would fly all around the Jersey shore, and oh, how it would gobble all of the kids’ McDonalds french fries if only it could get up.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, french fries, the little big seagull, Jersey - the place


P-Q :: JadedBeauty

Perturbed by his decision to return to his wife for the weekend, Polly decided to soothe the pain with a glass of Merlot and a hardcore tranq.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Polly


Queen Rudolfa suggested that Umberto Vallencio (womanizer, xenophobe, Yes-man, zebra-trainer and bartender) crafted deadly euphemisms; fairly good, he invented Jamaica’s King Leonard’s mephitic nickname of “piddler”.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Rose petals rained down gently from the sky, making the most hypnotic patter imaginable, while the young girl danced over the shiny iced landscape and sung soothing songs to the stars.

    TAGS:  roses, Alphabetti Spaghetti, Becky the Harlequin, harlequin, patter


like hamster on a wheel. :: JadedBeauty

Self-destruction was imminent, but at least her gratification was instant.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


“Some bastard always get to the zed sentence before I do.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, sulkiness


At last his time had come, after years of work, planning hour by hour, piece by piece, crumb by crumb.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, baking, plans


“Forget any thoughts you have about bacon,” the pig said to Cletus, “because no one, and I mean no one, kills this talking hog.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


G-H :: JadedBeauty

Goodness Gracious, someone has found a way to (kind of) imortalize our ABSM with lights…YEAH!

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Harold took one look in the mirror and knew that one would have to go—either the chest hair or the bikini.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Donned His Taj. :: Bird Bones

Insignificant thoughts of a significant nature crossed his mind as he donned his taj.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, taj


It’s true :: 'mouse

Jackalopes are notoriously hard to track.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


a little known fact :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Kangaroos are excellent conversationalists, but their penmanship is abysmal.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


disney knows best :: ecklektik

Little—aside from their use as characters in “The Little Mermaid”—is actually known about flotsam or jetsam.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Direction :: Keith

My direction in life is, at best, most uncertain.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, uncertainty


michigan-related violence :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Noogies, according to legal theory involved with the violation of personal space in Michigan, are an acceptable form of greeting someone in Kalamazoo.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, Kalamazoo, Michigan, noogies


Carpe carp :: Keith

Occidentally speaking, I’ve never quite understood the magic of carp.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, carp, occidental


oops :: 'mouse

“Quid pro quo, my ass,” said Billy, with unintended irony, as the cannibals fired up their smoker.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Renal failure results in higher levels of deranged acid, primarily because the acids’ parents always expected so much of the younger acids that one day the acids finally snapped and moved from a safer, neutral pH to a lower one and began to spray paint graffiti all over the kidneys.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Stubbornly tying her own soccer cleats, Kayla indirectly learned the time-value of Velcro at age eight.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


“Talk to the hand,” a once popular American slang phrase, is based on an African tribal insult that translates loosely as, “Tell it to the gnu.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, gnus


mad props to the mad props :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Ukules and rubber chickens will always hold an honored place in the annals (not anals, thank you) of improv.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


lies! :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Vince Offer broke my heart and for that he should be killed softly and absorbently with his own ShamWow.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


spake the culturally insensitive bastard :: You can call me, 'Sir'

‘Wang’ is the last name of the individual in whose lab I recently worked and I would sometimes catch myself having imaginary conversations with her that would go something like, ‘Ooooh, nice job, Wang’, and her replying, ‘That’s Dr. Wang to you’, which made the joke even sweeter and because I, like most men, will always be more or less 12-years old, this pointless little exchange never got old and was always worthy of a chuckle, sort of the same inward reaction one might experience when overhearing talk about someone falling on their coccyx.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


scary :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Xylophones kill without mercy.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


out of context :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Yolanda had a debilitating aversion to pain and, never being, shall we say, the brightest burning log on the yuletide fire, dropped out of the electrical engineering program because she didn’t like the sound of the word ‘megahertz’.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Zachariah had direct orders from God to not speak for three days about the son his old wife would bear, and God spoke to Zachariah, “Convey not your thoughts in words but in gestures, “mime style,” and speak not for three days, not one iota.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Accurately noting that high school girls really are as mean as they seem on TV, Libby walked on without a hint of having heard them and waited until she got home to sob.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Because she was young, fresh-faced, and foolhardy, she sometimes flirted with the odd maniac.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


“Dork,” she muttered under her breath, after writing her latest half-baked sentence.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Given the band teacher’s vast—and deserved—reputation for bizarre behavior, it came as no real surprise to anyone that he directed the concert while holding a sandwich.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


to each their own :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Harold’s fetish involved listening to bluegrass while bathing in warm spaghetti.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


It was only a matter of time until poor Percy was compelled to confess to his wife (who had a penchant for middle-eastern cuisine) that he had never, ever liked baba gannouj.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


punch line :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Juggling really isn’t all that difficult unless you try to do it while telling a joke that ends with you yelling, ‘IT STARTS WITH DINNER, THEN ENDS WITH COCK!’

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


curious :: Big Billy Biggs

Kevin was a curious person and once found himself in trouble for spying on a dentist while they gave a patient a root canal.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Looking back on my life, I realize I probably should have gone with him to prom.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


halitosis :: hysterium

my date was in dire need of a extremely strong mint, having an almost prurient odor of garlic and onion.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Nuclear Otto :: Keith

Nodding sternly at the baby, Heinrich Hahn said only, “He will be the father of nuclear chemistry and we will call him Otto.”

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Obstreperous by nature, Henry simply couldn’t resist informing the hostess as he left that the party had been a total flop.

    TAGS:  Henry, Alphabetti Spaghetti, obstreperous, hostess


leaf-eaters beware :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Peter had always been a ‘child of robust carriage’, his mother perpetually on a first-name basis with the employees working in the HUSKY section of OshKosh B’Gosh, but acceptance of his ‘husk’ turned to genuine concern after he was found drinking directly from a bottle of A1 and spray painting three letters, harmless alone, but powerful when brought together, upon the front doors of unsuspecting vegetarians: BBQ.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Quokkas, I soon found out, should never be trusted with the car keys; the chaos that ensued was startlingly similar to that time I went on my South American walkabout and ended up “loaning” my wallet to that Andean condor.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


duck abundance :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Rare, indeed, is it to find oneself surrounded by so much grammatical activity involving ducks.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Correct, Sir :: Keith

‘Sir,’ you are absolutely correct.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


cheaters never win :: Slim101

The picture of you that used to sit on my nightstand is now shoved in the back of my bureau.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


dedicated to the craft :: You can call me, 'Sir'

‘UNCLE!!!’, screamed the man enduring the wedgie in hopes of impressing the judges with his ability at improv.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Thinking Small :: boot

Wandering among giant balls of fluffy wool had always been a secret desire of Lora the Lynx.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


X-rated pigeons are something you should not find yourself thinking about in any way.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


Sinner! :: Centerfold

Yes, indeed the prime minister WAS thinking about X-rated pigeons during his flight to Fez.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, pigeons, prime minister


jealousy :: You can call me, 'Sir'

‘Zebras are little more than monochromatic horses with no personality and zero social skills’, muttered the surly alpaca.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, anthropomorphism, alpacas, zebras, monochromatic


grammar lesson :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Adverbs can modify adjectives to add oomph to any clause, such as ‘the audaciously rancid movie’ or ‘the exquisitely prodigious boob’.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


wasting no words :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Brevity should be axiomatic.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti, brevity, axiomatic, short


when talent agents lie :: ecklektik

Celluloid and cellulite are not, in fact, the same thing, as Claire later discovered.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


fact :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Ducks have no shame.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


myth :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Easterly winds in the morning are always prologue to havoc being wreaked by a renegade elf.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


wrong tube :: You can call me, 'Sir'

Fallopian tubes are not something that are to be stuffed with ricotta cheese, then baked for thirty minutes in a 350-degree oven, followed by the addition of a nice pesto/tomato sauce for that extra flavor-ific zing.

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


everyone’s a critic :: You can call me, 'Sir'

‘GADZOOKS’, cried the haberdasher, ‘Thine hat looketh so hideous that mine spleen is wracked with bowel-crushing anguish!’

    TAGS:  Alphabetti Spaghetti


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