Sara couldn’t explain her feline tendencies but she was content to perch on top of the refrigerator.
“Boing, BOING, BOIING” said the juniper berry bush to the maestro, as the parade of bouncing cows kerthudded by.
The romance of a lonely boy finds meaning
Only in words that pass through his mind
And fail to slip from his lips;
Suddenly, charm and fidelity is but a myth
For the boy who cannot believe in love.
“Why I love Wikipedia: ‘When invigorated by spinach, Popeye can lift or press about 36 tons. [citation needed]’.
The Social Anxiety Support Group had only one member show up, and she came drunk.
I stared out the window into the looming dusk with the one-word query of ‘Why’ jogging through my head on repeat, when suddenly the fax machine sprang to life and a piece of paper came through with the disheartening answer, ‘You already know why’.
It seems like just yesterday that The Daily Show was tweaking Terry McAuliffe for going on Meet the Press and referring to Tim Russert’s father as having passed away when he actually hadn’t; now it’s June 13 and Tim Russert’s father is still with us, but Tim Russert is not.
Her betrayal was like a hard kick to the Bundle of His.
By the eighth day Adam and Eve were scrapping around and Eve was nagging Adam about always leaving his fig leaf up and Adam was chastising Eve for taking too long to primp before leaving the garden of Eden to go to dinner, and God had a great big headache and needed some aspirin and a lot of caffeine; thus, on the eighth day God created Starbucks.
i made it well over a week ago and stuck the leftovers in a little box, but it’s dinner tonight so, should you not hear from me, you’ll know they stuck my own leftovers in a bigger one.
Almost too late into her adolescence to do her much good, Muriel finally learned to differentiate between teen angst and her jeans being too tight.
The student wrote so poorly that he actually tripped, fell down the stairs and wound up in a bloody pool of his own words.
The rather promising dream involving boats, scaling old castle walls and warm water and warmer sunlight faded into some schlock about a gift of a large bag of green onions that needed to be washed.
You know your neighborhood is dangerous when even the lions, tigers, and wolverines won’t come out at night.
Mr. and Mrs. Moss lived like two different plotlines in the same novel.
The syllable scheme
of the haiku makes a poor
sugar substitute.
I recall wearing
a white dress, then came the pig
blood; vengeance was mine.
the memory is
sufficient whether or not
you really got there.
His penchant for sitting naked framed in the front window did not win him any friends in the neighborhood; it was the postwoman who finally took action.
The sky tore in shreds, searing apart in the beast’s claws, each trail drawing screams of dismay and misery from the once blue air.
And then one day sisyphus went on strike.
As he stood in line alongside his mythological counterparts waiting for their welfare check, Orpheus would always hang his head and dwell on how even the underworld had been better than this place.
The authenticity of The Dog Bible has always been an issue of great concern for religious scholars--elaborate hoax or further proof of God’s infinite mystery and wisdom?--but I have always been suspicious of the writings, with the exception of the story of Noah’s Bark, which I find most believable.
Valentine’s Day is a retailer’s holiday in the truest sense of the word, Christmas and Easter at least can make pretense about being religious, whereas February 14th is named after a saint no one really knows ever existed and, if he did, died a painfully horrible martyr’s death (maybe it is significant that we celebrate it with Chocolate, flowers and stuffed animals).
Kissing you is like an electrocution in my head.
Among Myra’s septuplets, there was bound to be one dubbed the ugly duckling, but unlike the original story where people rooted for the underdog who was of a different species, it was really just because he was ugly so everyone just nodded.
I have no idea if feminists still reject marriage as an oppressive male dominated institution but Susan is one feminist who I would marry and, were it biologically possible, I would have her babies!
Science made us lovers.
“What was that you called me?” sneered Elizabeth-not-Betty, as she swiftly broke all of Jake’s fingers.
Tammy finally figured out what those white fingerprints meant and why she was missing every last handkerchief from her underwear drawer.
Bill closed his eyes preparing himself to hurtle like a rock toward the swirling water below when a red convertible zipped by, the Violent Femmes Blister in the Sun blaring loudly from the stereo, causing him to pause momentarily and consider what he was doing – “You know they’re right,” he mused out loud” to himself- and he walked home to strangle his sleeping wife instead.
The brochure promissed enlightenment but all Harry found when he arrived were several large stones sitting in a sand trap
I am discovering a certain poetry in words like methyl bromide, pendimethalin, and parquat dichloride.
Much to Kierkegaard’s surprise, the gods showed up every Tuesday morning to sit on his porch and whittle time.
Kenny burst into the living room with the intention of putting a stop to the constant clicking of his wife’s knitting needles, only to become hopelessly tangled in the yarn, which is where his wife found him two days later when she finished the sweater.
Henry watched the fresh potatoes slowly boil, thinking of nothing.
She shuddered involuntarily, and stuffed the piece of paper back into his wallet. What kind of a man walked around carrying the word “failure” like a business card?
The computer’s adoration for Jared turned downright unsavory when it pretended to acquire all kinds of viruses, spyware, and illicit freeware downloads, in a desperate bid for his attention.