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Jo  Keith


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    Wednesday, August 18, 2010
  • I have seemed to my bosses to be a hard worker, just by virtue of my sitting at my desk all day.


  • When I die, I hope that no one finds the q-tips that I couldn’t find a trashcan for.


  • Monday, August 16, 2010
  • Thank god I remembered to pluck my unibrow before I went to the dentist this morning.


  • Saturday, August 14, 2010
  • I knew I stopped Scrining for a reason.


  • I saw that.


  • Tuesday, August 10, 2010
  • I wish they would have robbed me while I was here. I would have done something intentionally stupid to get myself killed.


  • Friday, August 06, 2010
  • I’ve finally joined facebook, and now i feel a little dirtier…


  • Saturday, July 31, 2010
  • I still love listening to Tommy James and the Shondells


  • My joy and my sadness are both contributed to you.


  • Friday, July 30, 2010
  • I once SANG to a mannequin in the lingerie department. You would too if you saw her bedroom eyes.


  • Wednesday, July 28, 2010
  • I’d rather read than sleep.


  • Monday, July 19, 2010
  • I once sang to a mannequin in the lingerie department.


  • Can’t a man look at fully clothed pretty women on the internet without masturbatory intent?


  • Members of my household without fair warning use my personal computer, and will, now and then, walk away scarlet.


  • Wednesday, July 14, 2010
  • I am jealous of my children’s perfect little lives.


  • Sunday, July 11, 2010
  • White Russians are dangerous - not the people, the drink.


  • Wednesday, July 07, 2010
  • I always get a little angry when my sex dreams don’t make it past second base.


  • I figure it was okay to have a sex dream about the married woman, because in the dream her husband gave his approval.


  • Monday, June 28, 2010
  • I was once the subject of a man’s lust, and am now a bit leery of gay pride festivals.


  • I, like the last confessor, like girls - only, perhaps, a bit too much for my own good.


  • Wednesday, June 23, 2010
  • I like girls.


  • Wednesday, June 16, 2010
  • He called me a hipster, so I threw my soy latte at him.


  • Tuesday, June 08, 2010
  • I just ate a roach.


  • Monday, June 07, 2010
  • I’m awash in free-floating anxiety for no good reason.


  • Sunday, June 06, 2010
  • I recently bit my tongue so hard it damn well bled.


  • Friday, June 04, 2010
  • The game is rigged.


  • Monday, May 31, 2010
  • I said “don’t have no” in the confessional. I’m an English major. Something is definitely wrong.


  • I’ve decided it is time to seek professional help…Too bad I don’t have no faith in the professionals.


  • I wish I talkt purty.


  • Friday, May 28, 2010
  • I love the music of the Tremeloes


  • Monday, May 24, 2010
  • I may be becoming a Lady Gaga fan.


  • My compatriots make fun of my exemplary grammar and word choice.


  • Friday, May 21, 2010
  • I just finished the last of the Halloween candy (May 21).


  • Monday, May 17, 2010
  • I stole a pen just now.


  • Sunday, May 16, 2010
  • I am intolerant of people who cross roads carelessly, yet far too frequently I do it myself.


  • Wednesday, May 05, 2010
  • It’s not you, it’s me.


  • Monday, May 03, 2010
  • Confessions might be good for the soul, but not so good as cake.  Soul cake anyone?


  • Thursday, April 29, 2010
  • I owe the library thirty dollars they’ll never see, because now I’ll just buy my books.


  • Drunk bicycling late at night is awesome - Irish cream and hot coco, short sleeved shirt, winter.


  • I am so furry I have been mistaken for both a werewolf and a bear.


  • The more you pressure me to do something, the less likely I am to do it.


  • Wednesday, April 28, 2010
  • Once each season, I get realize I don’t deserve this.


  • Sunday, April 25, 2010
  • I guess it’s bad that I’m 19 and my girlfriend is 16(almost 17).


  • I’m really…really…really…really terrified of robotic computers taking over the planet, and Steve Jobs being the ruler of the universe.


  • I was at a used book store and saw The Rocky Horror Picture on sale…so I bought it….but have yet to ever actually watch it.


  • I didn’t want to make it a firefight, but last night when the flaming arrow crashed through my roof and landed in my bed- it was game on.


  • I was raped last weekend by a friend’s son. I don’t think I’m okay.


  • I grocery shop when I am drunk. I wake up pleased with my selections.


  • Friday, April 23, 2010
  • I can’t use a toilet in a store/restaurant that I didn’t buy something in or don’t plan on buying something in on the same trip which I need to use the facilities.


  • I forgot Keith appreciation day this year.


  • Thursday, April 22, 2010
  • I also rearrange the groceries my companions place in our shopping cart.


  • I rearrange the dirty dishes in the dishwasher when nobody’s looking.


  • Also - and I may have confessed this before - I cannot buy fewer than three items at the grocery store. Whenever I need just two things, I walk around until at last I find a third.


  • I can only eat Smarties candies 3 at a time.


  • Tuesday, April 20, 2010
  • To my boss who was angry at my 30 minute tardy….despite your anger, and for the record, last night was TOTALLY worth it.  Just sayin…good day.


  • Monday, April 19, 2010
  • I’ve never done anything wrong, except for that one time, but we don’t talk about that… often.


  • Sunday, April 18, 2010
  • I’ve had this hangover for three days and the only thing that makes it go away is alcohol.


  • Thursday, April 15, 2010
  • I judge hot guys that wear really bad band t-shirts.  It’s too ironic for my taste.


  • I often fantasize they all want to sleep with me.


  • Thursday, April 08, 2010
  • I avoided a D.U.I. by making out with an officer in his patrol car.


  • I am the lyingest liar who ever told a lie and that’s the truth.


  • Tuesday, April 06, 2010
  • I overuse semicolons.


  • Sunday, April 04, 2010
  • I give away or, eventually, throw away all the cheap chocolate I get given at Easter.


  • Saturday, April 03, 2010
  • When I drink, I tend to put things in my mouth in a very bad way.


  • Tuesday, March 23, 2010
  • I hate how the guy who wouldn’t take no for an answer still texts me and tells me he misses me.


  • Tuesday, March 16, 2010
  • i’ve never really liked my grandmother’s cooking.


  • Thursday, March 11, 2010
  • I was going to quit drinking, but then Spring break showed up. Oh well.


  • Thursday, March 04, 2010
  • I haven’t loved my mother in a long, long time.


  • You can have my husband, but please don’t mess with my man.


  • Wednesday, March 03, 2010
  • Her long dark hair and pony tail totally turn me on.


  • Tuesday, March 02, 2010
  • I only took French hoping to impress him. Now I am failing and it is all for naught.


  • My friend really is a nice person, but sometimes, I want to tell her to suck it up and shut the hell up.


  • Friday, February 26, 2010
  • One of my earliest public lies was telling my fourth grade teacher I’d written the lyrics to Roger Miller’s “King of the Road.”


  • Friday, February 19, 2010
  • I slept with my brother in law when I was six months pregant, but only because my husband wouldn’t touch me.


  • My first cousin is a slamming hottie and she likes it when I spank her - we hope our parents don’t find out.


  • My first cousin is a slamming hottie and she likes it when I spank her - we hope our parents don’t find out.


  • Tuesday, February 09, 2010
  • If marijuana was legal I’d grow some next to my tomato plants.


  • Sunday, February 07, 2010
  • I never liked the look of Mariah Carey, even if she does look like I could talk her into anything.


  • Tuesday, February 02, 2010
  • It’s a good thing the windows on this office building don’t open.


  • Thursday, January 28, 2010
  • My mom doesn’t love me.


  • Wednesday, January 27, 2010
  • It took me about 30 years to start thinking Sheena Easton was hot.


  • Album names like “Rock Paper Scissors Dynamite” make me smile.


  • Monday, January 25, 2010
  • I slept with my brother’s girlfriend.


  • Thursday, January 21, 2010
  • I drank the Kool-Aid.


  • Tuesday, January 19, 2010
  • I’ve never taken a taxi.


  • Friday, January 15, 2010
  • Mistakes were made.


  • Tuesday, January 12, 2010
  • I am SO ANGRY.


  • Tuesday, January 05, 2010
  • Sometimes I hide from the world and read.


  • Monday, January 04, 2010
  • I really can’t decide if it would be better to minimize the new things I do that I need to confess in 2010 or if I should set out to maximize confessable activity.


  • Sunday, December 27, 2009
  • I smile and make friendly noises when my family gets up at 10am on the weekend, but secretly I think they’re a bunch of lazy sloths who’ve wasted the best hours of the day.


  • Wednesday, December 23, 2009
  • the beans made me really really gassy, yet i felt compelled to get a couple frozen burritos for later.


  • Tuesday, December 22, 2009
  • I’m extremely afraid that google is going to auto-fill or suggest I recover a recently-viewed redtube video at an really inopportune moment.


  • I’m going to try to give at least half the people at the Christmas party crabs.


  • Sunday, December 20, 2009
  • I gave everyone at the xmas party lice.


  • Thursday, December 17, 2009
  • I also robbed Peter to pay Paul.  It is comforting to know that I am not alone.


  • I just robbed Peter to pay Paul.


  • I ate Santa’s cookies and drank his milk.


  • Wednesday, December 16, 2009
  • I’m a really forgiving pushover kind of person, but eventually if you only ever contact me when you need something from me, I’m going to notice and you’re not going to be my friend any more.


  • I blow all of my money on booze just so I don’t have to stay home alone.


  • Thursday, December 10, 2009
  • I’ve never had a prostate exam and I’m so not looking forward to it that I may choose death over examination.


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