“Why, sure it does, ” he insisted; “Mud rhymes with fun, so that’s what we’re having and covered in.”
My therapist is not going to be happy when I report that I am now hearing the voices of the little people who live inside my computer.
Being with him is like hurtling through space without a net; it’s kind of fun.
“Lets go out,” they said, followed by a cursory “you’ll have fun.”
You can stand and stare at the moon-lit sky, you can be with those who truly love you, you can sit in the daylight, with the ducks and the dragonflies, you can lose yourself in a book, you can watch the sunrise as you glide through the water, but sometimes it takes all of these things just to begin to unravel your thoughts.
It was too shiny not to be seen ever so gently slide into his back pocket; in fact, the only thing brighter in the room was his boss’s red, red face.
I guess the big scratch in my glasses is better than having that nail in my eye.
Then there are those kids who seem like they’ll just be happier when they’re adults.
“No one will find out,” said the owner of the oldest funeral home in town, “that I’ve been responsible for the deaths - they’re paying me to kill people, do their autopsy and I get to dispose of the body in front of them all.”
Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.
Yes, I are a good good reader o’ copy.
A cat is allowed one moving deduction per year on their return as long as they were forced from the keyboard or lap.
Contrary to popular belief, a cat cannot deduct funeral expenses from their return if it is one of their own nine lives.
Hello, my name is OhNo, I’m with the Federal Census Bureau, and I’d like to ask you a few questions.
Telegraphy is one of the many economical arts concerned with the non-superfluous use of words and doses of plainspokenness and brevity that may induce literary suicide STOP
Every Saturday Odin, Thor, Freyr, Heimdall, and Loki get together and play poker together at the Ragnarök casino, Heimdall and Loki, without fail, slay each other, and there are many laughs to be had.
I think lots of people would like to watch a Flowbee vs. Robocut reality television show.
It’s exhausting being the only one holding up the sky.
Henry suspected the gypsy woman was a fraud when she told him she saw a new alternator in his future, but she assured him she wasn’t and to prove her sincerity invited him to dine with her and her brother, who, Henry was surprised to find out, was his mechanic.
When the car wouldn’t start last night, walking home the four miles in the dark seemed like a fine idea, full of independence and self-sufficiency, but when the police tracked me down this morning and handed me back the wallet I’d apparently lost along the way, minus my driver’s license, debit card, and the last of my cash, I found myself at first wishing I could retrace my steps, go back in time somehow and stop it all from happening, but then I started wondering about that hobo who’d made off with my identification, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him because I knew it was only a matter of time before he found out what a chore it was being me.
Afraid he was fast running out of things to be when he grew up, Ferguson bought an English-to-Dutch dictionary and considered taking up clog dancing.
I listen to my children with only half my consciousness, but some words permeate the gloom, like “fire,” “ouch,” and just about every swear word.
Photos of their smiling past are hard to see these days due to the haze brought on by their discontented sighs and melancholy murmurs.
Hannah Montanna, you may have won the first round, but now I’m moderating my sister’s iPods!
It’s not so much the frequency of the pounding from upstairs, but rather the steady ‘ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum’ rhythm -which tends to quicken periodically- that has me wondering just who it is that’s been hidden between the floors…
I love everything about nougat but the name; somehow it sounds smarmy and whiny.
Every time I try a dating service they insist on matching me up with a woman whose only hobby is pretending her name is Henrietta.
“Your Honor, really, I have a copy of the lyrics to ‘Fergelicious’ on my computer because I was helping my daughter do research about Persephone.”
As inspired by: 'mouse's man period
Faced with the prospect of an afternoon in the company of her ex-husband, she felt that a preliminary xanax might be in order.
In the year 2010, cruise ships are the new rat poison.
Juan really wished he could blame that sluggish, bloated feeling on some kind of man-period, but he knew it mostly had to do with eating an entire package of Oreos in a futile attempt at self-medication.
It was literally a dream house, but flawed in so many ways that my subconscious found it necessary to have me walk around in it, pointing out the design flaws.
John liked his eggs like he liked his women - dippy, but things between him and them always seemed to be over so easy that he’d just be happy with a nice scramble.
Miss Jane methodically carved the last curling “k” of ‘thank’ with her blood ink pen across the ungrateful woman’s forehead, and while the message she left was clear, but polite, it would no doubt make for interesting small-talk in what would needs-be a closed-casket ceremony.
Not knowing that the thank you note had been lost in the mail, Juan was forced to hire a hit man to set things right, but unfortunately, his payment for services rendered was also misplaced by the post office, forcing the hit man to do yet another pro bono job.
If life were perfect, I could delete what I say when I am drunk.
As the woman’s head bounced surprisingly gently on each stair, Miss Jane continued her lecture on the inappropriateness of leaving distressed and injured people unaided, feeling sure that her subject would never again transgress this particular social mores.
The excitement of new websites is easily spoiled by the painfully slow nameserver update process.
I’d like, just occasionally, to be the daring, reckless type, full of spit and fire and retribution.
“I will hunt her down and kill her in sleep.”
All the clocks in the house say something different; I went back in time to the living room and decided not to say anything this time.
I remember my house’s side of “the call,” the one in which we found out about grandma, how my mother held the phone, fingers white, and excused herself from dinner, but I’ve often wondered since if there wasn’t something else in her hands.