After rigorous scientific testing (and a fiery crash), Verne was ready to publish his conclusion that the maximum speed of angels’ flight is exactly equal to the speed rating of your tires.”
Zen is the ideal path for me, based as it is, on tenets like “doing less is doing more” and “inaction is the highest form of action.”
Having neglected Scrine for awhile, I return to find that the login screen has changed and despite the extremely minor nature of said change, I’m now frightened and intimidated, such is the power Keith wields over my psyche.
My sandwich today includes heirloom tomatos picked fresh off the last of the vines just this morning, January 6th.
I sure would like to get my hands on that eighteen dollar bill I saw in my wallet last night.
back in my dark days of solipsistic narcissism, i believed i was the smartest person in the room, even when i was alone. provided there wasn’t a mirror around. i’m still the smartest person in the room, but i no longer believe it.
I think of high quality, amusing sentences several times a day but I don’t post them because I never think they are worthy.
There are probably no lyrics left to be written about a warm sunny day, with a cool, gentle breeze, but I hope someone gives it a try.
Doo whop a dip a dop a doo whop a dip a dop da do whop a dip a dop a dooo whoa oh yeah.
As inspired by: "A poet... never speaks directly,as to someone at the breakfast table."
-William Butler Yeats
If a poet is not to speak to the reader as if over a breakfast table, then how, Mr. Yeats, am I to speak to Beth, that mousy girl in South Central California who up until recently has digested my work with a bit of morning toast and jam?
No matter how many times I do it, I love the rush I get when I make that leap of faith and list something worth several hundred dollars for 99-cents, no reserve on Ebay.
I want to go dancing in the mountains with e.
“So, how about a root?”
My new year resolution was to not make any new year resolutions this year.
As inspired by: bakerina's I swear, we were talking about a $550 plumbing bill (guest scriner: me, with a little help from boot
Have you ever noticed how when I need a woman to, uh, vacuum, for me it costs about $30 and when you need a guy to, uh, root out your pipes, it costs you $550?
“It wasn’t so much an expensive suck as it was an expensive root.”
Tricky German engineering is a blight upon the world.
“New year, new chances,” said Muriel, in direct contradiction of centuries of evidence.
All the poems have wolves in them, except one, the most beautiful one of all.
Jury service is a significant civic responsibility and fundamental duty of citizenship to protect our many rights and privileges.
This year I promise to run more every time I see a lion on the loose.
Will someone please inform that curiously misguided gentleman that filling station bathrooms are not erogenous zones.
Optimism tends to enter through the open pores, and furthermore your lips won’t chap in a moisture-laden world, so it’s better all around to be in a humid climate.
Rufus thinks that we should shake things up a bit, since it’s the new year and all, but my friend Schuster told him to shut up, that he’d shaken the bars as hard as he could and they wouldn’t budge, and that it looked like we’d just have to sit and wait for Rufus’ mom to post bail, which, he reminded us, took almost a week last year.
I am not a carefully-worded contract with an airtight escape clause, and I will not be treated—or loved—as if I were.
I now spend most if not all of my time at the Confession booth.
To compensate for his one short leg, Luke made it his policy to only date crooked girls.
I’ve been bum-rushed by my demons; is that allowed?
“This year,” said the small pudgy kid in Mrs. Shuster’s class “I resolve to not make a new year’s resolution.”
Every year I ask Santa for the same thing—a 1TB iPod with 8-hour battery life for under $200—and he never delivers.
The problem with growing old and losing one’s short-term memory, Juan discovered, was that his kids would take advantage of it to collect their weekly allowance far more often than once a week.
Dear S, write me a sentence, catch me a phrase, breathe your words into my ear…